Parents of small children!: how do you keep your romance alive in relationship?

[littleraysofsunshine]

?

with great difficulty IME apart from on the RARE occasions we get a babysitter. but even then i dont think you fully switch off from it

its just so hard with the drudge and monotony of daily life. and with just how TIRED they make you

so no idea is my answer but will watch for tips

Dh and I also tag team parent (I work weekdays and he works weekends) which makes it even harder. Parents live no where near so babysitters are rare and on one recent occasion when my mum was available to babysit we were so tired that we just went to our bedroom to watch tv knowing that mum would deal with the kids if needed!

So it is very hard and we have no really innovative ideas. In summer we try to always do something nice as a family on a Sunday afternoon. We eat dinner together as a family most nights per week but have one "couple dinner" per week (just at home) but whether it is family dinner or couple dinner we make sure that we really "talk". DH is able to telephone me quite a lot on a Friday/Sat night from work and we talk a lot then too - not about family stuff but the kind of stuff that we always used to challenge and talk to each other about (politics, news etc), he buys me flowers when he does the shopping, a bag of malteasers (little things), I open the door to him when he arrives home and literally place a whisky and coke in his hand as I give him a kiss (again just little things). Sometimes when things are getting a little difficult we have little games whereby we have to try and state (as we go) all the things that we appreciate that the other has done throughout the day (it's kind of cheesy but it does remind ourselves that we both work bloody hard) and the winner gets to choose a prize (usually sex for him, long bath for me ). We nearly always do stuff together in the evening once the kids have gone to bed (no separate tv's/me interneting while he games or any of that kind of thing). e do of course have some separate interests and friends which can result in nights apart but what is mean is the bulk of the time when it is just the normal routine of DH and I in the house while kids are in bed etc then we compromise on things like what to watch on TV and do it together).

It's not very exciting but the main thing is that it is about us both still seeing the other as a person not just the DC's mum/dad.

romance? ha..

its a toughy. Im gonna be keeping my ears out for tips that come this way. . cos I don't have any to offer either :(

Touching and being close to each other. Send each other pics and texts and keep the lust and passion alive. Whatsapp each other sexy stuff during the day when your together, and by the time they are down at 7 you will be all over each other.

This thread has reminded me that I really must put some effort into my relationship. And I love the appreciation game!

I usually offer a neck and back massage while we watch evening telly, or in the day I sometimes encourage DH to go dahn the pub (for an hour, I'm not a mug!).

Odd as it may seem, maintaining separate interests helps. It means we never stop finding each other interesting, and we always have stuff to talk about.

Romance doesn't necessarily mean sex. It's the little sparks that brought you together in the first place. Intelligence, hobbies, sense of humour...it can be anything.

Not much help, I know! But it can sometimes be as simple as having a conversation about something other than DCs.

On the occasions where you get a sitter for god's sake don't go out for dinner! You just sit there thinking"you look tired". We might go for a game of pool or - god this sounds weird - a long walk through the poshest part of our city playing "if I HAD to live in one of these houses... Which one?" Or "god that wallpaper is so vulgar etc" (going to re-Christen them Judgey Walks). We love doing that, which probably makes us weird but compatible! Anyway, we're not sitting in a bar/bistro feeling yet more tired. Go for a bike ride, to the cinema,whatever but do something that gives you something to talk about other than the kids and reminds you who you used to be x

When kids are in bed we dont talk much about the dcs as there is a lot of other stuff to talk about. I think it depends on how your social life is and whether after children you still have a lot of the same interests. Dh and I are still in to a lot of the same things we were when we met.

I think the most important thing is still having active social lives and not changing who you are just because you have kids

I also find it hard letting go of mum status and trying to remember that I am ME, trying to feel sexy etc I feel awkward within myself. ( currently 21w with dc3!)..

And just trying to find the time for our separate outlets/time with friends is hard.. He does football twice a week, I don't do anything at the minute as I just feel tired.

I feel bad where I just don't feel sexy when intimate..we do the little things like kisses, hugs, tv/movie time sometimes at home when dc's are asleep..but nothing outside the home..

Cinema trip is planned for the next week I think. First in ages!!!!! Even then I feel anxious leavings mum status at home

Romance is in the small things. The unexpected cup of tea, the bunch of flowers bought whilst out buying nappies (roses are roses and supermarket ones last for ages), the ordering a box set of DVD's from love film to share in the evening, doing that housework job that is yours but your partner knows you hate and so just doing it for you, just because. It's in every little thing you do for each other to make their day easier, just because you love them. Romance isn't in the big gestures for me (not that they're not appreciated!) it's in doing the little things every day to make their life easier not for thanks or to be noticed, but because you love them. That is how anyone keeps romance alive IMO and doesn't stop because you have children - can be hard sometimes though!

I also find it hard letting go of mum status and trying to remember that I am ME, trying to feel sexy etc I feel awkward within myself. ( currently 21w with dc3!)..

i am like that too littlerays

and also preg with dc3, god whats it gonna be like when there is 3 of them eeekk