Partner cheated on holiday ... with a prostitute.

[Meez41]

Completely confused and dont know what do to. Partner of six years payed for oral sex whilst abroad. Only reason I found out is he used joint bank account and suss transactions were traced to a parlour. First instance he denied it. Various excuses etc. Then came clean a week ago. Our relationship has been strained for various reasons since birth of daughter 3 years ago. Relocation. Redundancy. Low income etc. Now this. I am 100s of miles away from my family friends so feel pretty rapped. Last week spent pretending all ok infront of everyone. Just gotten daughter settled into a good nursery and ive just gotten into college. Ive said I dont think I can get over this and feel I need to be with my family ...he threatened me with taking me to court so he can have my daughter as I wasnt moving away with her. Im scared. Confused and trapped. I dont want to be the bad bi+ch splitting up the family :(
!advice please

He's a lying arsehole.
He cheatd on you and is now mentally abusing you to try to get out of dealing with it.
Leave.
You cannot trust this man, now, or in the future.

Meez So sorry you are going through this, your Partner ( I won't say DP)sounds like a horrible selfish pig. I do not normally comment on these threads but for some reason your thread made me really cross. The fact that he went of on a lads holiday when you are struggling financially would be enough for me to leave. What a twat. You need to leave and get away from him. " take you to court to get custody" what a pathetic ass, how dare he. So he fucks of on holiday because you could not afford a family holiday WTF. Really I think you need to get mad!

I think he just has to be quite a bad person to blame you for his use of prostitutes because of birth injuries sustained in the birth of your daughter, who he now has the temerity to get possessive about and threaten you with.

I am quite a forgiving person, but I couldn't forgive prostitutes and I couldn't stay with someone with this sort of attitude.

OK sit down and think of all the connotations of prostitution:

people trafficking, pimps, drug abuse, violence both from employers and clients, STI's, treating people as commodities, the vulnerability of women in that position no matter how high up the scale they are.

That is what your husband paid for and what he is blaming you for. Yes he's lying. You don't buy a beer and then not drink it.
The threats are because he's scared you'll find out how deep his behaviour really goes.
He is not a good husband, he isn't even a half way decent father if he can please himself and take himself off on a jaunt and waste cash like that which means your daughter can't have a holiday because he splurged the money down a prostitutes throat.
If he was a decent father he wouldn't be threatening to take his daughter away from her primary care giver.

In his eyes family means possession. You are not individuals who need love and respect you are commodities. A drain on his resources, a barrier to his fun in life. Yet you are still his and you may go only when he pleases or suffer the consequences.

He split the family up by treating them like furniture with no more rights to speak up about what goes on within family life than furniture. Move so you have a better support network and better prospects. See a solicitor and prepare your case as if he is going to go in with all guns blazing to stop you. That way no matter what the eventuality you are prepared and have backed up your stance with well reasoned legal arguments.

'If I had agreed to fam hol it " wouldnt have happened'

I'd have my DP's balls on a plate if he said that to me. That's almost worse than going to the prostitute in the first place – or, anyway, it certainly compounds it.

Get a good solicitor. And have some and , although I know that's a pathetic offering.

If I had agreed to fam hol it " wouldnt have happened' Maybe not there and then but it would have still. Nothing like turning the blame around is there . Does he have no self control ? He didn't have to squander your money on a sordid lads' holiday and sexual gratification in whatever form he chose - no one forced him . Are his friends single or do they take their partners for granted the same way ?

Seriously, he's playing with your head. Just take your dd to your family home when he's away, with all essentials (including passport etc) and then start again without him bullying, manipulating and emotionally abusing you.

You need to keep your dd safe from this atmosphere, tbh.

And of course his Mummy believes him. Her alternative is that he's taken a lot of money from them to pay for prostitutes, and is now lying to her when caught out. She's got every incentive in the world to believe his utterly unbelievable bullshit. The reality would be hellish for her, too, and she doesn't really have the option of leaving him, as you do.

TalkativeJim is bang on correct on what you need to do, by the way. That's spot on advice.