I have had to re register and name change.
Just wondering what is normal to expect or reasonably expect from your relationship.
I am stuck on the 'too good to stay, to bad to leave fence' at the mo. It is not ghastly all the time, we do not row but H is a bit like a distant flatmate. He prioritises himself over me and the kids - has admitted to being selfish and angry in counselling.
There are some past biggies that I let slide (leaving me to come home from hospital after after an op at 1am by taxi as it was too 'difficult' to get baby DS up and come fetch me in the car, going to bed in the day hungover during a house move leaving me to pack and deal with 3 young dc alone, Porn use, withholding sex for 4 months as I complained of pain one time and that was 'a turn off'... I could go on). I did not set boundaries and feel stupid raising past issues now. I think I thought it was better to avoid conflict.
Now I look back and think Why Why did I put up with that. The scales have fallen from my eyes, I have grown up and keeping the peace and saving my relationship doesn't seem as important. I want to be happy and feel loved adored and look forward to seeing him not think 'oh you again, sigh' when he comes in from work.
He is trying - cleared the Porn mags out, is making more effort with the kids etc but I just don't know if I care enough anymore. I realise I have lost respect for him, poor time keeping and disorganisation mean he's not particularly reliable either.
I just feel selfish saying 'this is not enough' and exhausted by the thought of divorce as it'd be me packing his bags and doing everything.