Do men return to the scene of the crime, ever?

[ScattyMummy]

Met a lovely man (finally), who adores dd.Twice, when it came to commitment (moving in)I funked it and ditched him (without explaining). He took me back once.Tried to get it together again recently having realised that I do really, really love him and that I want to spend the rest of my life with him and he says he can't go there again, that he's been to hurt, that he loves me but isn't in love with me.Is there any hope? I have told him how I feel, but that I can't force the issue; that if he changes his mind, he knows where I am. Haven't been in touch since (although this was only about 1 week ago). Is there any hope at all?

Oh dear, I'm afraid the telling sentance is the 'I love you but I'm not in love with you line'. Unfortunately we all know that to be the line everyone uses when they really are not interested in someone anymore. So to be cruel to be kind sweetie, I would say you may have to foprget about this one.

Spend some time together, let him regain his trust back. It's very easy to fall in love agian if you're open to it.

MonkeyTrousers, not sure how to do that.I haven't been in touch with him since as left it open to him.
Carmenere,how do feelings die so quickly - it was only 3 1/2 months since the last time - do people really change their minds (and feelings so quickly? I know I'm "high risk" but given the chance I would do anything to make it work. How long to get over a broken heart anyway?

Hmm, I don't think this is a "men" question. I probably wouldn't go back to someone who did this to me once, never mind twice.

Why do you keep ditching him? Are you only interested if he won't have you?

How do feelings die so quickly? When you really hurt someone not once, but twice i think that helps.

Are YOU really sure you just wouldn;t do it again?

So sure I wouldn't do it again. what i did was never about him, all about me and trust & control issues following hugely messy divorce. nonetheless, I treated him horribly (I have at least apologised for that)and of course take responsibility for it.I've done a hell of a lot of growing up (and losing weight) to be honest.

I would move on, and find someone else, frankly. Consider it a learning experience.

I think it was brave of him to forgive, the first time, he'd be insane to forgive a second time.

Frankly I don't blame him. It's one thing to do this to someone once, but twice is unforgiveable imo. Maybe he's not in love with you any more because you broke his heart twice, or maybe he is but he can't admit it because that'll just mean he'll be admitting to wanting to go back for more.

Sorry but I think that there are lots of lessons to be learned.

I agree. I wouldn't get back with someone who had hurt me twice. Especially if there were no kids involved

Thanks for reply,MNs - you're right, it has taught me a lesson (apart from the obvious,ie looking after other people's feelings, being less self absorbed etc) mostly about myself and thinking I'd moved on from bloody divorce (not literally...). Time for some serious growing up and hoping perhaps, if there is a next time, with whoever, that i won't make the same mistakes.

Maybe you just weren't ready, maybe he just wasn't right. Glad you learnt something though.
For what it's worth my first relationship after splitting up with my dd's father didn't work out, but I'm glad I did it, learnt loads