Dh has left me - just need some support tonight

[Justbroken41]

My dh, who I had been together with for 17 years, has left me today. I posted last weekend, under the name of Numb71, when he confessed to sleeping with a colleague, 3 times (last time in April). He had tried to make it work and buckled eventually under the guilt (or something).

Several Mners were so kind - I sent the thread to him because it had such good advice on it. Unfortunately, that didn't work, and I stopped posting because I had outed myself to him.

On Wednesday, because I was so upset and literally begged, he agreed to go to Relate. Now he feels that it felt wrong, he can't ever go back and we should split.

Just absolutely broken. Feel so lost and bereft. I have a lot of rl support but feel so alone tonight. My heart is broken.

I don't feel amazing, I am a mess tbh

You're a mess as this is such a shock. I imagine your X has been planning his escape for sometime so of course your feelings will be much more raw than his at the moment.

You just need to take each day as it comes now. Refrain from contact with him unless it's absolutely vital and give yourself time to heal.

Do listen to the advice on here though, lots of us have experienced cheating partners before and once you're through this fog I am sure you will look back and realise that you are worth so much more than he was giving you.

Short term tick list is STD check-up, finding a VERY good solicitor that you click with, and looking in depth at your financial situation.

Having knowledge of where you stand legally and financially will help you to feel stronger, and strength is what you need right now.

Take care.

Of course you don't feel amazing, but you are.

Keep warm. Keep drinking (hot chocolate is very good), try to eat (if not milk shakes, multi-vitamins, and soup). Try to do something you like, watch crap TV, play music he didn't like, slob. If you have kids I know it will be tougher.

Tomorrow start phoning solicitors to get some advice. CAB are useful too. Tell your banks. Tax credits and Council Tax.

Let people be nice to you.

Hi Justbroken, I hope you are feeling ok today? What have you been up to?

How are you today, JB?

Yes JB, heartbreak is physical.

The affair is still ongoing and he has chosen her, I am so sorry.

Take steps to protect yourself, see a solicitor.

You WILL survive and you WILL get through this. Lots of us have been where you are and know how awful this feels.

Another practical thing -Im sorry -is to copy or keep in a safe place all the financial or legal stuff that you can. You may need it later on and he may hide or remove it. You must start thinking differently. He is not your friend. You need to protect and look after yourself. He maye totally try to screw you over financially and you need to stop him.

also you have lots of upset and anger and hurt and feelings to process. SO its great to do that by writing on here or talking to friends or getting counselling. I highly recommend good counselling. You can usually access about 6 sesssions through your GP but longer is better if possible.

Sorry lots to advise but also a Divorce and Separation course is a good idea when you feel up to it. Many churches run them -also other organisations too. They help.

So sorry youre in this place but hope it helps talking on here.