How do I deal with the moaning?

[Fairyliz]

My mum is in her 80's and spends all our time together moaning; about things she hasn't got, the neighbours, the state of the nation etc etc. Whenever I try to suggest a solution she always has some reason why it wouldn't work. On occasions I try to solve the moan e.g. buy her something that she says she hasn't got. However she is never very grateful and just finds something else to complain about.

It makes me sad because I want to spend our time chatting, or going out for tea or around the local garden centre not listening to a long list of what wrong. It's making me dread seeing her. Any advice?

But discrete headphones and say 'oh I know' every 30-45 seconds?

Keep changing the subject. She probably only has herself to talk to all week and builds up the anger.

Tell her about your week or...

just keep saying "Eh?!" till she loses her voice.

Does your dm live alone? My nan will often have a good old moan about anything and everything and anyone! She will quickly apologise for moaning and says that she would usually have a good old rant about stuff to my grandad but since he died she will settle for whoever is there at the time!

maybe it could be something similar? she doesn't have anyone else to moan at so needs to get it off her chest to whoever is available?

Is there any chance you could make a joke of it? Right mum let's hear it: what is today's top moan? Let's get it out the way and then we can do something nice together.

My DM likes to regale me with outpatient stories from all her friends. It is SO boring I have to tune out. I share your pain!

I know somebody like this, it makes me feel invisible. Don't know why I bother but it isn't my Mum. Phone her everyday for 10 minutes and let her moan...

My mum lives with my stepfather who is quite outgoing and so they have two or three people dropping in most days, so shes not lonely like a lot of old people.
Shel does however moan about the number of people who keep calling when shes trying to get things done!

Tell her the cautionary tale of my MIL! She lives on her own and used to be visited fairly regularly by family, but always moaned to everyone who'd listen about how inconvenient it was, so now nobody goes to see her.

Have you asked her to stop moaning?

Have you tried not solving it? Just acknowledging the moan and moving the conversation on.