Husband grumpy with me.

[KiteSurfer]

Last night we were going to the cinema, I got changed but didn't make a special effort as to me it was just a film & not a big night out, iyswim.
H got in a massive strop 'cause I'd apparently spent 1hr 45mins the night before to go to a work meeting with my work colleagues.
Now he's right, I did take that long - because I washed my hair (needed doing) & so last night when I was going out with him, it didn't need doing.

He says I didn't want to go out with him (we rarely go out, something I'm trying to remedy), by the way I made such little effort!

Is he crazy or what?

Oh and if you'd spent ages that would've been wrong too wouldn't it... Maybe you don't really want to go, too late now as we will miss the start of the film etc etc

I'm surprised he noticed how long it took you to get ready. Sounds a bit of an arse to me..! But then I've been there, done that, with snide comments, twisting comments, derogatory comments and I simply wouldn't tolerate it again. End. Of.

I deserved better. And so do you.

Drop I got his reasoning totally but on the day I had my work meeting, I was off and was in scruffs all day with greasy hair etc hence why I showered & washed my hair before I went to the work meeting. Last night, I'd had a shower (albeit earlier in the day) and was fully made up, so needed little 'prep'.
He knows this, so is being U to need reassuring, surely?!.

What is he asking for reassurance over though exactly? That he is more important than work? Bit worrying that...
That you will dress up for him? Also a bit worrying...
That you still love him?

On the face of it he is utterly ridiculous and the length of time you took to get ready cannot really be the problem.

I think he probably feels unloved; we don't much sex because resentment & period probs hav killed my sex drive, so I suppose he thinks I make little effort for him.

It's ridiculous though, as I pointed out to him, why do the things that matter to me never happen yet he thinks his wants/needs trump mine?

Yes, that is ridiculous and his angry reaction demonstrates feelings of entitlement.

Why does he think you should make an effort for him?

What is he doing for you?

Because if you take his logic (which i think is ridiculous anyway) on it the fact he never changes his pants or socks surely equates with him not particularly caring for you doesn't it?

Offred I know - he doesn't make effort for me but thinks I should for him!
I'm a real strong personality & can tell you I won't give in over this and make more effort unless it's reciprocated - have told him this too.
A sense of entitlement is EXACTLY what he's got & we clash 'cause I won"t enable him.

I can't fathom why someone wouldn't put on clean underwear after a shower. It doesn't make an sense and would certain be a massive turn-off as far as I'm concerned. How dare he expect you to make a big effort before going out to the cinema with him when he doesn't even maintain the most basic personal hygiene? That's vile and something I would find totally unacceptable.

So, he's dirty, entitled and unreasonable. Anything good about him? Why is he there?

Is that some kind of MH issue - putting dirty u/wear back on after a shower?
He talks to himself 'silently' quite a lot. I watch him having conversations with himself no words, but his lips are moving and his head is tilting like when you are in conversation.

I should add he's immensely intelligent - scarily so. V. high IQ.

Have you never asked him about the dirty underwear thing? I mean he's your husband, not a stranger, so you have surely spoken about the issue. What does he say?

My husband has done this in the past, I ignore.

Sorry, had to go out.

He just says they're clean Gruntfuttock. He's got loads of pants & socks, just refuses to wear clean ones after his daily shower.

Sorry, but "he's got loads of clean pants and socks but refuses to wear clean ones after his daily shower" is beyond weird or eccentric, it's bloody insane? Isn't it?

Refuses to wear clean ones

I don't get that. I suppose you let the subject drop. I don't think I could or would.

I just let him get on with it but I find it hard to have sex with someone with such odd habits and so we don't have sex much, which is another thing for him to whinge about!

I wouldn't be having sex with the dirty bastard any day of the week! How intelligent do you have to be to know that if you put dirty underwear on after a shower you might as well not have had a shower?

He doesn't sound too nice to me. Paranoid, talks to himself, dirty underwear, bad attitude. Do you love him?

Np Imperial, I don't.

LTB

My dh would say out but partly in jest, I tell him to take me somewhere fancier if he wants me to make an effort! Yanbu.

You don't love him. Leave him. You'll both be happier. Why waste your life?

Kids, finances & admitting to people it's failed

Your happiness is more important that peoples opinions. The children will blossom when you are happy. Finances sort themselves out in the end. Please don't stay for prides sake.

Agree with allthreeways I am in the process of leaving a husband I don't love. You very quickly see the light at the end of the tunnel when you look into things.