feel unhappy

[hudsonriver1]

Hi.

I feel really fed up with dh at the mo. This is an on off thing. I work 5 days a week, he works too but on his rest days his lazy. I remembered his credit card needs paying by monday and said for him to go and pay it this morning before work but I bet he doesnt. I normally go and do it but this time I thought no.

We have only been married nearly a year and its been a difficult year.

He moans and critises all the time about things. He doesnt pay me much attention anymore and neither do I.

I feel worse when ive had wine and my real thoughts come out and I think why do I put up with this.

Im pretty sure if we weren't married I wouldnt be with him.

Read your last sentence again. The fact that you are married is keeping you together. Do you love him or want to work on this? If you don't genuinely feel like you want to , then consider other options. It's only a year into the marriage, it should be the best times but you are so unhappy.

I do love him but im worried mmy feelings have changed recently and that im falling out of love with him. I have 2 dc and I sometimes wonder if were better off on our own.

I have posted before about this. It seems to get better for a while and then I dip and I feel rubbish again

Quote "I remembered his credit card needs paying by monday and said for him to go and pay it this morning before work but I bet he doesnt. I normally go and do it but this time I thought no. "

Hudson, I copied this bit of your post and would ask why do you usually pay his CC bill? Why do you need to tell him to pay his bill? There seems to be more to it than what you've said so far.

You have been married for a short time and sometimes couples can be blinded by the organisation of actually getting married, without considering the boring, mundane reality of what happens after. It can be difficult a first to talk to each other about money and housekeeping jobs without coming across as just moaning or complaining.

I wonder whether you have both sat down and talked about your finances (setting up a joint household account to pay bills from) and payment of bills; or worked out sharing of household tasks. Work together as a team and share jobs out.

Thanks. He is lazy and forgetful. I have to remind him about everything, hence reminding him the cc needed paying. He could go into town today to pay it but I know he wont.

We have set up joint accounts etc as I felt he couldn't be trusted and I have taken control of his cc, at the beginning he was spending loads on porn which I wasn't happy about.

He acts like a big kid. Share the housework out equally???? Never! I have now just got a cleaner because I cant cope with the amount of cleaning I have to do. He barely does anything. We have just got a new puppy that he really wanted and its all down to me to look after her.

There seems to be a major imbalance In your relationship. He is a big kid, who you have to look after and don't get any adult support from.

Have you spoken to him about this in particular though. By getting the cleaner you just put a temporary solution on the real issue. You already have 2 kids and shouldn't be looking after him as well. I can see why you aren't happy.

oh my goodness, hudson you have taken on another responsibility as well (puppy - effectively like a baby in the early weeks) and there are so many fundamental issues at to tackle with him 1) housework is a woman's job 2) real life, finances etc. is your job. Please do not have any children with this manchild until he has grown up. I really feel for you, hudson. A serious chat is in order ASAP, you are going to lose respect and love for this man rapidly from hereon so what have you got to lose by sitting him down and having a proper chat? Good luck.

I really am going out my mind. We had a chat yesterday, didnt really resolve much, I told him how I felt but he didnt seem to take it on board and just said im nagging.

So my 1 lay in this morning, he gets up and gets straight in shower cos he has to go to work and didnt let the pup out so I had to get up! Then said to him and he said stop nagging. Funny how on his day off he can lay in bed til 1pm.
I dont know what to do. Hes not my kids dad and im.wondering if im better off on my own.

" I have to remind him about everything, "

What you're describing is someone who is lazy and taking the piss. Doesn't show you any respect, pays you no attention, dismisses your opinion and then accuses you of 'nagging' when you expect him to behave like a grown-up. Throw a paid porn habit into the mix... yuk.

As a single parent myself I know how difficult and lonely life can be sometimes. Expect you thought marriage would bring companionship, love, support, sharing the burden etc., and chose to ignore the faults. Big mistake

Your story sounds familiar. You're not the member that was having cold feet a few weeks before the wedding are you?

Probably yes it was me.

Another row tonight. Our new pup has a uti and hubby took her to emergency vets cos her belly swelled.

He then proceded to tell me im lazy with the dogs! I said I find it hard to be a childminder and look after 2 dogs too.

She ate through a rubbish bag that I had to sort out cos he was sitting on loo and wouldnt do it