Sons and their mothers

[Kamchatka]

I am beginning to see that there is a problem with me/DH/MIL. Basically MIL and I don't get along very well - I find her utterly self-absorbed and it's getting worse. ILs rarely visit at our home, so we go to spend time with them. And this is what happens:

Within minutes, DH and FIL start cooking or doing something DIY-ey. I will not have any social contact with DH for the whole afternoon. He gets involved in something, and barely acknowledges my presence. He's not being unpleasant or dismissive, this is just what he does in their house. If I talk to him, he talks. He just doesn't really behave as though I am there.

As a result, the visits end up being me and MIL, and DS pottering about. And I HATE this. One I'd noticed it, it really made me think.

For twenty years or so I have had problems with MIL. We are not similar and we don't get along that well, but we do try. I have only just managed to explain to DH that I need his support when she treats me badly (comments and messing around arrangements and being totally self-absorbed). We visit them and behave as though we are separate entities, not a couple, not parents of a child who work really well together. It means a lot to me that we stop this. I need him to speak up at times. He finds her infuriating but he is also afraid of upsetting her even though she's occasionally quite a shit.

Is this kind of normal? Do you notice your male partners not really engaging with their mothers? Does it affect you? I don't want to blame him but I have at times really needed his support and it seems like he thinks it's my business.

My husband does all his family stuff.. Nephew presents etc. he writes the cards for his side and did the wedding invites too.
When we go to weddings, he sorts out everything if they are his side of the family etc. or if his friends have babies etc he will shop.
I buy stashes of cards etc that we both use, just because it is handier.

We would have MIL to stay for days. Husband tends to tune her out. She is moany and awkward tbh. I would feel I had to be polite and listen for hours.
Now husband goes there on his own or with the children half of the time. I get some space and he has to engage with her more. Much better for all of us. After all, I'm sure it is him she should want to see.

Thanks, my mum knew what was likely to come up and what had annoyed me. She doesn't like MIL either which helps . She said after 30 minutes of how fab golden boy was, she remembered she was a mum and a MIL too so could be just as biased .