Confused about sexuality

[Chesntoots]

Right - deep breath... This may sound all confused and some of the questions I ask may seem stupid. Please bear with me.

I have been on this site for a while and if anyone has read any of my previous posts they will be aware that I have had (disastrous!) relationships with men. I have also been married.

The thing is, over the last few years I have been less attracted to men and more attracted to women. This appears to not surprise any of my friends or family!

I have no issues with either being a lesbian or bisexual but the thing is - how do I go about doing something about it?

I am a fairly shy person to start with, I don't really go out much and none of my friends are gay so I don't know where I would meet anyone. I have been looking at (not joined) dating websites but am a bit scared about meeting someone as it is all new to me.

Reading that back sounds very pathetic. I would appreciate any advice from people who may have been in this situation but I get the feeling that the overwhelming consensus may be - get a backbone and get out there!

[Phalenopsis]

I'm not going to say get a backbone and get out there because I'm quite shy too.

I've just googled 'lesbian and gay switchboard' and there are lots of local organisations under that banner who would be able to help with socialising (clubs, societies), if that's what you want, help telling others if that's what you want and some of them have online forums of their own.

Also go to //stonewall.org.uk/whatsinmyarea

[TheMagicToyshop]

Hiya, whereabouts in the country are you? It sounds like your friends and family are being supportive, could you ask a friend to go for a drink with you in your nearest lesbian or gay bar? You're unlikely to meet someone straight away but might be good to slowly acclimatise with the feeling if being out whilst being 'out' as it were! Also perhaps you could do a search for helplines you could call to chat to someone, there seems to be a lot of info about coming out later in life from the quick google I just did. Anyway congratulations on accepting yourself and starting an exciting journey!

[Priceliss]

Ohhhh okay I can certainly help you here!

Cutting long story short I dated men all my life until I was 24 (now 26) and started dating women. I always knew I liked women too but honestly I was too scared to do anything about it. I know it sounds weird but the internet has helped me tremendously. I think also I have always been a confident person and though I was shy I had inner confidence so when I found a girl (from online lesbian/bi website) I liked I just went for it. I was honest with her that it was my first girl experience and actually I ended up being with her for 2 years and being engaged to her. It did end in the worst breakup ever that I am still not over entirely, leaving me heartbroken, BUT I would never change it for the world. I now have a new girlfriend I also met online.

If you are knew I would honestly recommend talking online first it's so less intimidating than going to a lesbian club and "chatting" up girls I find anyway. I also would recommend if you are feeling conflicted some gay counselling. Stonewall as posted above is great and there are a few others such as the rainbow project which are great.

I think it was easy for me because a lot of my friends were already bicurious or bisexual or lesbian but I have a lot of straight friends too and I understand the taboo you feel. Even telling my family that I was dating a woman having dated men all my life was really daunting but they were amazing.

If you ever need to talk message me - where do you live? I go to pride's in Manchester, Brighton, London (where I live) and would be happy to chat if you ever need it. I've been in your shoes so I am always here to help and extend your gay circle of friends! Let me warn you though I do look like a straight fem woman and you would never guess :D x

[Chesntoots]

Thankyou all for getting back to me. I feel that I am going to get very friendly with Google over the next couple of weeks...

I live near Sheffield, which can be a great place to go out.

Sadly I would have to go it alone as I have nobody to go with. I do like the idea of chatting online as a starting point. Much less scary.

I am quite excited about finally doing something about my feelings, but am totally terrified at the same time!

I will be back to my post later, so many thanks in advance for your help, but sadly I am in the middle of decorating and I don't want patchy walls.

[Priceliss]

Ahhhh Sheffield - unfortunately I don't know that area too well. But I am happy to give contact you in whatever way if you want someone to chat to some advice. I was lucky I had some gay friends but TBH most of them are now in relationships or not really on the gay "scene" so I mainly go out with my gf or my flatmate so I still can relate to not having many people to go with.

I'm new to mumsnet and don't know if there is a message function but feel free to hit me up and definitely the internet - it's so much easier to start talking to people and ease your way in. And if you ever want a trip to London I will show you a great gay night out! :)

[HotCrossBunsForAll]

Priceless, I could have written your posts!

OP, I want to PM you but can't seem to, can you change your settings so I can maybe please?

[Chesntoots]

Thankyou to everyone who has replied.

You have given me more confidence to get out there. It is much appreciated.