Can I have a birthday hand hold please? :-(

[GetStuffezd]

It's not a massive one but I just feel a bit shit.
I have posted before about my mum who was (is?) an alcoholic all through my childhood, resulting in some very painful memories and dangerous situations for me and my siblings.

In the last ten years or so she's improved drastically - no hiding bottles of booze around and being pissed in public, etc. She's also started a company which is doing extremely well and I'm pleased for her.

It's my birthday today and I rung home to thank them for present and tell her the nice things my colleagues did for me, and she's almost incoherently drunk. Couldn't even understand what I was saying and kept asking me to repeat myself. Got really shitty with me as if I was being unclear.

I fucking hate her sometimes. She's an adult and entitled to drink what she likes, but when I hear her slur and talk crap it just brings back really horrible memories. Sorry, I just needed to let it out.

:(
Happy birthday
Huge slice of

Thanks, SPB - I have just been out for dinner so cake might make me puke a bit!

You can always save it fr tomorrow.
Hope you enjoyed your dinner.
Have you been in touch with al anon?

Glad your colleagues were good to you.
Didnt we say we would meet up for rl at some point anyway?

Oh did we??? Ahhhhh I've just realised your previous name! Yes pleeease!!

And no - don't think I want to discuss it with anyone. I had counselling before and it was basically a start to finish tear-fest once a week for six weeks. Can';t do that again.

No fhat doesnt sound helpful! How is she likely to react tomorrow? Will she be apologetic? Ignore it?

We have always ignored it! We've never spoken about it. When I see she's pissed I just calm up and speak in one syllable words because I don't know how else to deal with it. As I say, she can do what she likes. And I'm 200 miles away so don't have to see it.

Just want to forget the stuff she did years ago.

Please try Al Anon.

I am the adult child of two alcoholics and the first time I said that out loud was at an Al Anon meeting. For the first time I found somewhere I belonged and people who understood.

That was 10 months ago and I attend a meeting each week. I now understand why I behave and think the way that I do... And why I married an alcoholic despite being soo sure I was too smart to do that

I realised that I was recovering from the disease of alcoholism the first time I went to see my mum for the monthly obligatory visit and I didnt want to scream at her for being drunk

What have you got to lose?

Happy Birthday

Agree with goodenuffmum. There's also a brilliant book called After the Tears that was given to me by a wise friend.

Next year will be different

I know you're right goodenuffmum, but I'm scared to let it all out. The 6 counselling sessions I went to weren't even about that but everything came back to it and it really was a sob-fest. I can't let myself cry or I won't stop. I know how stupid that sounds.

Funny you said about marrying an alcoholic - almost all of my partners have been alcoholics or heavy drinkers too. Partly why I know I'm better off on my own.
I really respect you being able to talk about it, but I just don't have the courage to bring up memories that are so painful! There's a couple of incidents that I can't even face up to in my own mind, let alone tell another soul about.

Oh, thank you marriednotdead I am going to look up that book right now.
It's hard because now things are getting better for my mum (career-wise) she's helped me financially, we talk about professional matters, we generally get on better (helped by fact I'm 200 miles away) but when I hear her slobbering and slurring it makes me feel sick. Maybe I'm not entitled to feel that way but I do.

There are so many wise words out there.

Counselling is painful in a good way, and 6 weeks is very short. I did 7 years and may yet return if I feel the need.

Just remember that you need to let the hurt and negativity out, in order to make room for the joy and pleasure

Please try Al Anon < YES THIS
It really can help.

Happy Birthday