How to tell true friends from frenemies?

[superstarheartbreaker]

I've posted about this before but in short i'm fed up with some of my friends...subtle jealous digs etc. I'm not sure if i'm paranoid but one of them in particular never seems that happy when i do well or meet a new man etc and instead makes subtle digs/ plants seeds etc and even giggles when i come to her with my problems.
With another it is a bit wierd as is her mum is dating my dad so it is hard to distance myself.. She can be lovely and she says she wants me to be happy etc. I guess it stems from the past when she went out with a few of my ex boyfriends and I didn't like it. I do love her but because of this past I can't completely trust. Because of our family connections I don't feel like I can cut loose. My dad thinks very highly of her and so do I but I sometimes struggle with the dynamics.

Am I paranoid?

Hi, I'd suggest asking your first friend the one who seems to make 'digs' etc... some direct questions like "aren't you pleased for me?" or "what exactly do you mean in saying that" or "why is this funny"?. Not in an aggressive way, just inquisitive. Regarding you Dad's gf's daughter, I know how you feel about friends going out with your ex boyfriends, it does feel weird emotionally, I guess logically you have to focus on the fact that they were EX boyfriends and she wasn't doing anything bad although it doesn't feel great I admit. Perhaps neither of these people are destined to be forever friends but I don't think they are enemies either.

Ooh - frenemy by the sound of it.

Just have minimal contact with her.

Going out with more than 1 ex boyfriend .....no you are not paranoid.

No I don't think you are being paranoid. I'm a believer of going with your gut instincts about people, in my experience it is always right. Real friends should make you feel good about yourself, you should enjoy their company etc. The examples sound a bit "toxic" to me. I'd follow the advice given the above. Accept they are not your friends, keep your distance, detach and just be as civil as possible when you have to meet up with them, don't let them get to you.

I think you just have to wait for them to reveal themselves, which they ALWAYS do eventually.

I just hate this feeling of not being able to completely trust my inner circle. It's so demoralising!

I often think I am either really crap or totally excellent at friendships. I only form friendships with people I really, really like and want to be friends with, I don't bother with anything less. If one of those people lets me down or pisses me off consistently I drop them because it makes me no longer like them.

Means I don't have a huge social circle but rather several intense close friendships.

Unless a friend is going through a difficult time where they need to offload (e.g. break up of a marriage), the golden rule is that you should feel better for having been in their company. If they make you feel drained, slightly threatened or with an urge to justify yourself, they are not a friend.

I think that if you come across anything in life that makes you feel negative in any way, be it friends, work, relationships etc, you should get rid of it as far as is possible.
Life is short and there are lots of wonderful people and experiences awaiting. Negative, energy sapping and frustrating elements are a waste of time.

She sounds jealous, insecure and childish

On the whole, people who complain or criticise (you or others) a lot are very draining.

Agree with Mrmenmug. Get away from anything or anyone negative in your life if you can.

Yoiu cant change these women - I too don't like the sound of them. The jealous dig girl - manage it yourself. Don't tell her things anymore. Meet less often. Keep your business to yourself thus she cannot use it to beat you about the head. Re the other one, it seems that you have different standards - and hers are lower in this instance! I would not go out with a friend's ex on point of (my own) principle. She would. Ergi, different people. Therefore act upon this - limit what you do and say with her. Don't bitch about her to people where it may get back to her, and stay involved at family events, But again, manage it yourself. x I agree with those who say trust your gut. Its there for a reason and is seldom wrong.

I did tell my dad that this girl dated to of my exes...he sounded delighted as he lives her mum so much that he wont hear anything negative. I think im a bit jealous as he praises the daughter quite a lot. Ive had enough and I kind of want to move away but I love my dad and want to spend time with him.

The problem is that I should have probably friend dumped this girl many years ago but didnt ....but as a result she is now part of my extended family due to her mums relationship with my dad thus making her harder to avoid....uggggrrrr! I feel guilty writing thisas I do love her but I dont feel like shes a girls girl.:-(

Friend A sounds like she's enjoying your misfortunes, which means she's not a friend at all.

Friend B. going out with one of your exes I can understand if they had a real connection that they felt they couldn't ignore. But going out with several of them suggests she has some issue with you and I'm not surprised you can't trust her.

I have an admisssion to make....they are one and the same person .. I didnt want to write this down in case she read this but I dont think she will. I have always felt this girl was not batting for my team but I ignored it and now shes part of the family. My fault. I feel like I jyst want to moan about her to my dad. When I list lits of wieght she immediately went to the shop ti buy cheesecake for me. [Hmm]

Going out with one ex is accidental, going out with more is....well, maybe she envies you, after all she is very keen to have your cast-offs (thats assuming she wasn't the cause of your breakups, in which case you have your answer in spades)

Time for some distance, anyway.....

Oh Superstar, that's 100 times worse. This woman is poison. Please keep your distance. She wants nothing but the worst for you and is absolutely NOT your friend.

Do I memntion it to my dad? He will probably say ' well you always think the worst of people' he keeps banging on about how great she is too. Mabe im jealous but im more frustrated that I cant escape from her tbh.