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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this it?

14 replies

icepole · 10/09/2013 22:29

Married 11 years.

Dh just told me to go away because he doesn't want to hear my shit stories (was telling him about the day).

I won a competition beating over 300 entries and didn't bother telling him as I knew he at best wouldn't care at worst would be vile about it.

He has told me he doesn't give a shit about the things that interest me. He gets angry if I go and do them.

But he works his backside off for us. House needs lots of work and he does it all. Works all weekend on it etc.

But I still feel like shit.

OP posts:
littleblackno · 10/09/2013 22:45

Life's to short to be lonely with someone who treats you like shit. Kick him out and get a dog, they like to listen and are always interested in everything you say!

You can get a handyman if you need jobs doing Wink

CailinDana · 10/09/2013 22:47

All the diy in the world is work fuck all without respect.

Original poster
icepole · 10/09/2013 22:49

I don't work. And he handles the money. And I am just plain scared of being on my own.

OP posts:
runningonwillpower · 10/09/2013 22:52

Sounds like your husband isn't happy either.

A well maintained house is no good if the people inside are miserable.

A good long frank talk is in order.

Original poster
icepole · 10/09/2013 22:55

He is ok if I don't do anything except watch the kids, cook and clean.

OP posts:
littleblackno · 10/09/2013 23:21

And you're ok with that are you??? What example are you giving to your kids about healthy relationships?
There is plenty of advice regarding the money side of things. Get the advice, make a plan. You have a choice if you want it. It's not easy but it's much healthier and happier not living on eggshells all the time.

carolmcgiffintowin · 10/09/2013 23:25

GET OUT! don't waste anymore time in this soul destroying relationship.

runningonwillpower · 10/09/2013 23:25

He's not ok. You are not ok.

Because you are both alone emotionally.

Why can't you at least talk?

SomethingOnce · 10/09/2013 23:51

The work bit he could be doing purely for himself.

Is there anything he does for you?

He doesn't sound very nice. Are you able to leave, or better still tell him to go and leave you and your DC in your home?

peggyundercrackers · 11/09/2013 00:08

why does he get angry because you do stuff? does he want you to help him with the house? does he feel like he does it all on his own? has he always been like this?

everyone has their thing they do and has hobbies of their own that allows them that wee bit breathing space on their own, which I think is a good thing.

just because he works hard on the house doesn't mean he should dismiss what you do. it must be terrible for you when he is vile about things you do - its not on he makes you feel shit about what you do.

Original poster
icepole · 11/09/2013 05:44

He sees the kids as my job. Also there is a lot to do here so feels it is unsupportive of me to do something away from the house. I do get this as we are on a building site at the moment. I asked for one day to meet a friend who is traveling from abroad. I asked to go without him making a fuss as my birthday present. Didn't work.

We can talk just not about my stuff. I like the arts, he thinks they are a waste of time. Anything that doesn't earn money is a waste of time.

I will look into the money. I recently came out of a period of chronic fatigue. I am worried about not managing a job. If I find one! Although my daughter is three so I might be ok for a bit.

I just feel sad about it. We were happy once.

OP posts:
newmumsuchfun · 11/09/2013 06:43

My relationship is far far from perfect. My other half is stubborn and bloody annoying.. we have lots of arguments... but he has never ever said that sort of thing to me. If he did I would cry my eyes out. The person in your life who LOVES you shouldn't talk to you like you would talk to... well, I can't think of a time in my life where I would ever say "shut up, i don't give a shit" to anyone. There is zero respect in that exchange. I wouldn't say that to anyone. It is NOT ok for someone to talk to you like that. Remember your hopes and dreams for a relationship when you were younger? Did that feature? Re-think this situation. You teach people how to treat you (Dr Phil - but correct!)
Good luck OP. I feel for you Brew

Ifancyashandy · 11/09/2013 07:29

Being alone (or, to think of it less negatively; single and free) is not scary. I promise you. The thought of it might be but that is the fear of the unknown.

Your life / you will be the same. But much much happier.

newmumsuchfun · 11/09/2013 08:07

I heard a quote once that I liked

"There is nothing lonelier than being with the wrong person".

Life is short - be good to yourself.

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