Relationship advice for novice in love

[feedmenow]

Potted history: always been in long-term relationships, never really actually "dated". Have now been single for over 4 years with just a few brief dalliances.

However, the last dalliance has resulted in me falling in love. Started off as a fuck buddy thing but changed somewhere along the way. For both of us to some degree but a lot for me.

Sadly, there are reasons that this will never be a relationship. I rarely see this bloke around now and have cut out pretty much all contact in an effort to get over it.

I am now in the early stages of dating (for the first time ever!) a really lovely man who seems to think the world of me. Whilst I haven't mentioned my feelings for man number 1, I certainly haven't made any committment to man number 2. I am just trying to enjoy the whole experience and see if more feelings develop as time goes on.

The problem is that I feel guilty spending time with man number 2 when I still feel heart broken about man number 1. Part of me thinks there is no harm in what I'm doing, but I also know that I would hate it if the show was on the other foot.

So what is correct dating etiquette? Is what I'm doing wrong?

Wouldn't call it wrong. Lots of ppl date without being 100% committed. It might be wrong for you if you're feeling that bad about it, but there's nothing inherently bad about your plan. A general comment that includes you rather than being specific - Why do I seldom see people expressing the option to be single? It's a GOOD THING, at least while relationships are causing you angst.

I did something similar to you.

Met a new man while still harbouring desires for the previous man. New man was kind, caring and totally committed to me but I blew hot and cold because I was struggling to get over my feelings for the previous man. In the end the new man split up with me because he couldn't stand the way I was sometimes with him (hot/cold). Months passed by, my feelings for the previous guy eventually died and after a gap of nearly a year, I bumped into the new man in town and we began our relationship once again. We're still together and I love him to bits, wonder why I ever had any doubts and what the hell I was thinking of, mooning over someone who may have liked me but didn't love me, would never have committed to me and treated me like I was just a casual FWB. We are no longer in contact.

I don't think what you're doing is wrong (it's what I did after all!), but you do need to completely get over the first man to move on with the second. It may even take a while, or a break, to do this. But, you know it would never work with the first man, he was a fantasy, and he would never treat you right. Once he is out of your system, you will see the second man in a new light and realise that what you have with your new man is so much better than a fuck buddy going nowhere.