Mum in lawproblems-Please help!

[LoveIdris]

Desperate for Advice as Partner(together 15y,kids, bills , etc) has stonewalled me-refusing/denying problems.MIL has suffered from depression and does have heavy baggage from her childhood.I have always tried to sympathasise...recently offered much support after she has married for the second time. However her inconsistency is driving me crazy, at the moment I am ,'the bad woman'(Over the years, she has always had one person held up as the trouble maker-even her DS has had his turn in the sun!). I am being very brief ,there are many dynamics to our relationship and she has suffered from intimacy issues. Practically, I should 'woman up' , put a smile on and avoid her as much as possible. I professionally can understand her but emotionally..... she has moved 5 minutes away, is rude to me and my partner is not supporting me or discussing the impact on me or our DC as 'you know what shes like!) .I am at a loss following a party held at my house(I worked Bloody to make this happy) and was ignored throughout -IN MY OWN HOUSE!!!Help me. I would really appreciate sound advice/tips.

Hi, you are being very brief and it is tricky to get a full understanding of what is going on. However, when you say "she has always had one person held up as the trouble-maker" this rang many bells for me - my ex husband suffers from depression and there always has to be an enemy to shower lots of negative emotions upon. In my experience there really isn't that much you can do directly to change this, it is obviously 'your turn in the sun' but if you can try not to react, or give her anything to bounce off, then hopefully her attention / focus will shift elsewhere. Not much of a solution I know, but unless she sorts out her issues this need for an outlet for negative focus won't change, but it could change person. Try to allow her an in-road back in the future and avoid a show-down if you can. Sounds like your partner needs to get on board, particularly if he has experienced this directly in the past, perhaps it's uncomfortable for him to acknowledge? Not a nice situation to be in, you are an innocent victim but as such you need some support from your family and friends.

How does she treat your dp?

Thank you! Your replies are food for thought....
Alsteff- you have obviously had experience with someone with depression..it is a mindfield in more ways than I ever imagined.I realise I can:t change her at this late stage in her life but her rudeness is having more of an affect on me than ever before..Maybe is an age thing(40 this year) and I vowed to make changes. I am sick of any bullshit and negativity around me and I am finding her behaviour very difficult.

catermeringue - She treats my DP like a hero at the moment(She is estranged from her other DS and hasnt spoken to him for years)This is a repeat of her own family make up.My Ds has previously himself been ignored by her and has spoken at length previously about his regret and embrassement regarding her.This is why I am frustrated about his apathy and feel he is condoning her behaviour

Viking1- Your first line is exactly how I feel and how I am bringing up my children.Yes, I can withdraw( but her grandparenting skills are a bit strangemy DP wouldnt push me to be best friends but it is my frustration.I dont need a Superwoman as a MIL but.....