I'm frightened of DP

[Narcastistia]

He's not violent towards me but he's so unpredictable. One minute he's fine to talk money, next minute I mention it at the wrong time and he goes mental. One minute he's fine to discuss the kids (mine or his) next minute he flies off on one. It's getting to the point where more and more subjects are being added to the "dodgy" list and I find myself just not talking about stuff (even though we probably should) as I don't want to trigger a motherload row.

He's much worse after a drink, one minute we're playing around - and the next he's taken offense and goes crazy at me swearing, shouting and saying horrible things. One minute we're having a laugh about something, next minute I realise he probably lost it 10 minutes ago (when the jokes started turning into sarcasm without me realising) and is now full swing into crazy mode.

That is putting me off drinking with him. But then, he's been known to go out drinking with mates and come home and start on me over an entire made up situation so I can't win. The last one was that he went out and then text me at 12pm asking me to pick him up from the city center. I was in my pjs so text back "ok, I'll be about half hour xx" - well that was it, I was the biggest arsehole going apparantly because I'd made him wait half hour, I didn't love him, I wanted to see him get mugged, I was all the names under the sun - and all I'd done is go and pick him up to save the taxi fare!!

Like I say though it's not just when he's drunk. I feel like I have limits on what I can say and at unknown times. It's getting a bit much

Hmmmm, he sounds very similar to my friends dp. This is how she describes how he can be. One minute he's fine, the next he's an abusive arsehole. He twists things round to make her feel like everything is her fault. He can be a nice, considerate, loving bf, but as I've said, he can't just get away with it because sometimes he's actually not a nob. She's such a lovely person and he's using her good nature to mentally and emotionally abuse her. I would suggest that's exactly what your dp is doing to you.

Try not to focus so much on the "one minute he's fine" and remember what comes next "the next he flies off on one". Don't fall in to the trap of forgiving his bad behaviour because he's not always that person.

You need to be firm and tell him that it either stops now, or you'll go.

You don't need to put up with this, so don't.

Abusive behaviour comes in many forms. This is his. You need to seriously consider your future and whether this man can be a part of it. You need to consider the impact living with a man like this will be having on your children.

Walk away as fast as you can.

Are you living together?

He isnt violent to you but i guarantee you this - he will be one day if you stay with him. Leave him. His nastiness is only going to get worst.

You really should leave him.

No one is meant to be frightened of their partner.

This a typical mental and emotional abuse, verbal too and could be financial esp if you are finding it hard to discuss money. I used to find it much easier to just pay for someting myself to save the row and the sense of confusion he could cause and of course the fear.
So get researching this you will quickly see this is not your fault and you cant change or fix this. Get Lundy Bancroft's book about Angry and Controlling men. its on amazon not sure of the exact title but its a life saver.
Your self esteem and confidence im sure has already taken a knock so get out before 3 things happen which they invariably will.
1 He gets worse and abuse escalates.
2 Your self esteem gets much much worse and you will find it much harded to get out
3 Your dc's get badly affected

There are lots of very clever and experienced people on here - listen to them. I know you prob cant believe its true but your dp is an abusive man, your relationship has turned abusive and you need to get out. These guys dont change - trust me.

Did he put a nice normal guy act on at first to reel you in? Run don't walk.

Your Dcs are vulnerable and don't deserve to be put in a situation where Mum's partner is volatile and flakey.

Jesus I remember this. One tiny thing (or nothing) and ex would just flip. I never saw it coming but I too learnt what subjects were off the menu.

And he did get violent. Get the fuck out of there.

Narcastistia this is no way to live and you shouldn't have to walk on eggshells. What happened regarding the taxi incident? Did you pick him up or tell him to stop talking to you like that and to sodding well make his own way home (or better still stay away until he learnt some respect)? If I had a partner who spoke to me like yours did I wouldn't have picked him up and he would've got a fucking earful when he'd sobered up too!

Just a plain old nasty piece of work, isn't he?

Well, as it's unlikely that he'll change - what would you like to do?

Personally I'd trot off as fast as I could and look forward to enjoying a far nicer, calmer, more pleasant life without Mr. Selfish d'Arsey in it.

:)

This is not going to get better OP.

Honestly it's not.

Why stick around waiting for it to get worse?