is ther a name for this sort of weirdness

[oxyh20]

i am at the end of my tether with my h. we seperated a few months back but it was supposed to be temporary while we worked through our issues.
we have been trying to communicate and doing counselling etc. Issues are trust and respect. pretty imprtant in a relatioship no??

he has always had a issue with the truth. silly things and big things. but after so many years together i can smell a rat a mile off and have spent time after time trying to establish if he is lying and working up the courage to confront him. i feel like a detective not a partner.

so the latest is this. we were chatting last week about his fathers will. casual converation -and it just occured to me to ask H if he definately had changed his will as he told me he had about 18months ago. by changing it i mean naming me his wife in it. he said oh he had of course so doubting thomas that i am i asked him to get a copy of it so i could see it for myself. he didnt like this at all. but i said i need to see it and he got quite mad but the next day he didnt apologise (never does) but said can we not be fighting about this. i said ok but i still want to see it. he agreed

a week later i asked him (0n the phone) if he had phoned solicitor for the copy for me. he paused and then i knew he was lying that here was no will. so fast forward this weekend. i pulled him aside and told him straight out that i dont believe he changed his will. he as usual got defensive and this is the bit that drives me nuts. He said he told his solicitor to do it a couple of years ago. I said ffs you know as well as i do that its not done if you havent signed it. He said he didnt know that -that he had a verbal agreemen with solicitor that it was to be done.!!
total bull as far as i am concerned. I know he never phoned the solicitor so basically he has a will made from years ago before we met or married which i presume names his father - so here i am being lied to again. 2 dc's no security. i feel such a fool

i really dont get why he lies all the time. i actually dont think its that he doesnt want me in his will - its like he says these things to please me but forgets to ever do anything about it and then makes up stupid lies.

what to do..........i had thought we might get back together that we were working on the issues but is he always going to lie to me????????

Procrastination, probably self esteem issues, possibly linked to depression, and also formed a habit. ..... Otherwise known as 'being a man' (only joking, honest!! )

I'm not a lawyer, but afaik his old will is invalidated by your marriage.

That, of course, is not your real problem.

You have far bigger problems than being named in his will. Apart from this how is the counselling going? Is there something worth saving?

yes i know the will altough important is the least of it.
problem is he keeps doing stupid selfish things and telling ridiculous lies and as i said i always (i think always) find out. i am soo bloody sick of it.
nothing ever changes even though this has been going on for about 5 years. he has a very quick temper which he has worked on but there is still alot of anger there.
along with the lies its the fact that he makes up this bullsh*t excuses that are nonsensical or he tries to blame someone else. or he tries to deflect my telling me he has more on this mind this this rubbish, or that i am never happy, need help, dont know how good i have it.
generally he never apologises we just limp along until i have forgotten the problem or decided to build a bridge over it or whatever.
he is living with relatives at the mo as we are seperated but recently as we have been trying to work things out he has started acting like its all fine and he lives here agan. he eats, showers and generlly does what he likes here he just goes to relatives to sleep which is not what i foresaw when we seperated. he is the typical person who takes a mile if given an inch.

he left a message earlier for me to call him when i get a chance. i dont even want to phone him but il have to. i sick of this. he takes and takes and lies and lies but i guarante you if i phoned him now he would be as nice as pie until he gets back in my good books. if i dont go along with what he wants he sulks or gets mad or insults me.

he def has self esteem issues and health is not great but i am so sick of making excuses for him and trying to fix him and his issues.

can some people just never learn from their mistakes no matter what the consequences???

should i phone him? what will i say. i know he will want to call this eve to see us but i really am in no mood to see him...

any advice - anyone????