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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Chores round the house -same old, same old - help please

4 replies

CocktailQueen · 08/09/2013 23:18

We are both self employed. Dh is full time, I work part time and do most school runs, most child care and just about ALL the housework. Dh will play with the kids - age 9 and 6 - and take them to school, clubs etc. he does dishwasher, setting and clearing table but that is about It.

He is so fucking untidy it drives me batshit. I have started to book a cleaner every few weeks. Last time she came was mid July. I have booked her for next week. Dh said 'again?' Implying she is coming too often.

I said I am fed up doing housework and being responsible for everything; what does he suggest? He last hoovered maybe 6 months ago, has cooked twice this year, never ever cleans bathrooms or tidies up. He never does tesco shopping or meal planning.

He does work long hours and he says I should be grateful he is around to take kids to school etc. Well, I am, but they are his kids!! But I am fed up of working and dong everything, and feel very taken for granted. How do we move on from here? Housework is one of the few things we argue about. But we do argue about it a lot. He says I never appreciate anything he does and just see what he doesn't do... ;-)

PLease, does anyone have any helpful suggestions to get us past this? It's affecting our relationship 'cause I don't want to have sex with him - feels like one more chore on the list. Help please!

OP posts:
AlmightyMess · 08/09/2013 23:22

I asked the same recently, I was told by many I should be grateful for what he does. Others suggested I talked to him about how I felt. So I did, things have improved. Good luck.

CocktailQueen · 09/09/2013 11:48

I did try to talk to him, but he thinks I just criticise him and don't see all the things he does do. Hmm.

OP posts:
ANiceSitDownAndACuppa · 09/09/2013 12:41

If you look at it from the perspective of free time, how equal are you? Are you still folding washing at 10pm while he watches telly, or do you both have similar time off? If it's the latter I wouldn't find doing the lion's share of housework to be unreasonable, but if you're feeling taken advantage of perhaps agree specific jobs you can both do at the weekend when you're all free. Or get the kids involved?

ANiceSitDownAndACuppa · 09/09/2013 12:41

I mean get the kids involved in the housework obv, not in resolving your issues with your dh!

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