Is this cheating?

[thatstripedthing]

Did a longish stint of Internet dating (9 months) and met many lovely men. Also didn't 'meet' some lovely men, particularly one who lives quite a way away but we have become pen pals. Email roughly every second day with stupid shit like the weather or what's for dinner. Running along side this, met a lovely, lovely man and we have since moved in together. It struck me this evening as I was sending my 'how was your weekend' message that, as innocent as it is, does it border on an EA? Thoughts please - although just to add, I don't have his number and we never intend to meet, it is all very innocent!

Does NiceMan know about NewBoyfriend? and vice versa?

If you're reluctant to tell one of them about the other, it's not cool.

Does your DP know about your penpal? If he does and all you truly talk about is mundane stuff then that's OK.

If DP doesn't know and you talk about stuff with penpal that you won't share with DP then it's wrong.

horry is right, does dp know about it and that you met through dating site? if so, no problem. If it is a secret then it is a problem.

Does penpal know you've moved in with RL man?

Does RL man know that you're emailing penpal every couple of days (because that's quite a lot)?

Do you mention things to penpal that you keep from RL man?

Do your message have any sexual or flirtatious passages that would cause you embarrassment if RL man heard you say them out loud to another man?

Do you complain about RL man to penpal?

Nothing wrong with a frequent correspondence. A lot wrong if it involves secrecy and intimacies not shared with RL partner.

Its a dating website, love. this does constitute as emotional. the fact you ask says a lot.

if you can tell both men about the other, OP, then absolutely fine!

I assume OP e-mails him directly, not through the site. I've had a penpal just like that for years, though we do live in different countries, it's exactly the type of talk I'd have with female friends, incl discussing BFs/GFs in the past, he's now married. No flirting or any intention to meet. My exes were all fine with it, why wouldn't they? it's a friendship..

Sorry, jag, not sure I 100% follow your train of thought. Can you please clarify?

Nothing at all flirtatious, no innuendo - ever. NiceMan doesn't know - only because I didn't think to mention it to him. I have no problem doing this - or showing him all of the correspondence.

I think your just talking to a man, which is allowed in a decent relationship. If your happy to show all correspondence then i dont see an issue.