Made to feel very unwelcome at Dm's

[footflapper]

I was supposed to be staying at Dm's for a few days, to relax as I've been a bit down.
The whole time I was there her husband really seemed to resent mine & my 3yo's presence.
Mainly being overly strict with my ds. He was constantly on his case
For example, Ds had Toy Story on & Sd wanted the Grand Prix on. Sd mentioned this in passing. When he sat down he just sat there looking angry for a minute & then started shouting, stormed out & slammed the door. Came from nowhere . So the rest of the day felt really oppressive every time he came into the room.
Later on when we were eating a roast my Dm cooked, he was really bossy at the table, ended up putting Ds off his food. Sd snatched his plate away & put it all on his. Shouting, what's the point in giving my ds food he won't eat.
At this point I'd had enough. Lost my rag, pointed out that Ds is my child & responsibility. I asked Dm to take us home & that I'm never bringing Ds back to be treated like this!

I could maybe understand all the anger if Ds was playing up putting & being disruptive.. He wasn't though, just funny sweet and playful..

Sorry to hear that you've had a horrible time. What did DM and DS say when you decided to leave? How does DS usually act?

Why didn't your mum stick up for you? He sounds like a bully.

Dm was in total agreement with me. Ds was tearful.
He started being surely at breakfast time & I could see Ds was sensing it.
On any other day Ds is very chatty & plays with his cars a lot. He will have a trantum if he can't get his own way, which is Loud..
Sd generally misses all that as he's at work 7am - 5pm

he sounds like a bit of a dick. glad you told them how you felt. what did your mum say when you asked her to take you home?

Let the dust settle and then speak to your mum about this. Tell her calmly how you felt and see what she says.

Has he children of his own (and do they have a good relationship with him)? Sounds like he is used to having everything his own way.

Mum pulled him up a couple of times

X post. What is your mum doing about this? Has she been with SD long?

They've been together 15 years. He has a daughter, 20yo, but he doesn't see her much.
I never thought he'd be so shitty round my little boy, I used to get on well with him.
Thankfully mum backed me up. They are having money and work problems .

Sounds like my mum and SD.

Basically, he doesn't want to share her with you.

He's probably a crap dad himself, and intolerant of anyone that takes his wife away from him.

If it goes the way it did with me, you'll end up totally estranged from the pair of them.

You need to be fairly straight talking to your mum and make sure she doesn't back down on this, or you will HAVE to remove yourself and your son from such a nasty man.

My mum always said if a man made her choose between him and her kids, she'd choose her kids.

But she didn't. Well, she didn't choose to defend me.

Well I had a conversation with my mum today. She's told him he needs to get help, see a gp.. He's not into the idea.
She also told me he was screaming at some of the neighbors kids a few weeks ago
She really wants me to go round on Xmas day & I said no, not until he's seen a gp for stress/depression.. She's really upset & told me I'm worrying over nothing, even my sister is down playing it She's got three young children too!
So now I've ended up feeling like shite, even though I know I am doing the right thing for my ds.

If this is a one off incident maybe you can go at xmas time - not saying his behaviour is acceptable, it wasn't but maybe he is depressed and is worried about money, no need to take it out on you and your child though but perhaps going there wasn't good timing - if he's feeling like that the least thing can set him off, sounds like your child was the catalyst for him letting off steam.

I'd give him another chance, you said you used to get on well with him, so be honest, tell him how he made you feel.

I will Jan, i'll ring him this weekend

Even though he did make ds cry at another meal time when I first went round there. (They've recently moved back from Scotland)

You were there for just a few days and he was shouting, slamming doors and making everyone feel uncomfortable/upset? He's yelling at kids in the street? I don't care how worried someone is about money or their job there is no excuse for bullying small children and acting like an arse. Talk to your mum and make sure she's OK because he sounds appalling. Don't even entertain being with him at Christmas unless he apologises.

He's not depressed. He's isolating your DM imvho.

Tell your mum that christmas is off until he grows up.

Why would your mum ask you to go for Christmas when he hasn't even apologised? Does she honestly think you're just going to pretend it didn't happen to keep the peace? And then spend Christmas tip toeing around him?

You're protecting your very tiny child, which makes you a good mum. Sod the rest of the family trying to manipulate you so they can pretend all is well. It isn't and the rest are adults. I applaud you for prioritising your ds - no child should be exposed to that.

My stepF shouted at me, fecking RAVED at me, hung up on me 3 times.

I never got an apology, but mother's still expecting me to come back and take more of it.

The man now treats me with thinly veiled contempt and she just giggles nervously, but won't take him to task.

Some mothers really don't have any grip on reality when it comes to Da Menz in their lives.

Stick to your guns OP. Your son is more important to you than some ill-mannered blow-in