I met a man 6 months ago and we instantly hit it off. He told me before we even started dating that he was interested in polyamory, and that he and his ex had tried it unsuccessfully, and that he still liked the idea of trying it out. Being fairly open-minded I said I had nothing against these things and that it sounded interesting, but that I was really unsure about whether I'd actually be ok with it. This was about as far as we got with discussing it, but our relationship developed very quickly and intensely. He said he loved me and wanted to commit to me, and I said the same. I told him things I'd never told anyone. I told him all about an abusive relationship I'd had in the past and he started to help me heal old wounds. We were exclusive from day one and he did not date anyone else or seek to.
However after about 2.5 months, we talked about polyamory again, and it became clear that our relationship depended on it ? i.e. if I couldn't be ok with it at some point in the future (he wanted to wait perhaps a year or so before actually looking for anyone else) he wouldn't want to be with me. This was an enormous and painful shock for me. Obviously our relationship deteriorated from this point and we have now split up, but are still in touch.
He maintains he did nothing wrong and that he did not keep any information from me in the initial stages. But I feel he did. If polyamory was so important to him that he would leave a partner who couldn't be ok with it, why did he commit to me even though I was saying I was unsure about it? Because he did commit to me while I was saying I was unsure of whether polyamory was ok with me, surely it was reasonable of me to assume that he wanted to be with me whether or not we/he could be poly? I feel he should have explained from the start that he could only commit to me if I could be ok with him being poly. Am I being unreasonable? I'd be really grateful for any thoughts or opinions on this.