Ever thought your children would be better off without you?

[cantremembermyname]

That's it really

Yes, when I was hideously depressed, but not otherwise.

Honestly don't know if I'm depressed, or who they're better off with

Cheating lying teat that can't be honest with himself, or screw up me

That was supposed to say twat :-)

Someone on here said once when I first posted about oh, that I was crap for staying with him, said I was putting my happiness first. I really wasn't, I don't care about me, but I don't want to screw them up. I'm from a very unhappy divorce. I just want to do the best. I think I'm bad for them, I really do.

Sorry, I'm wittering

Overly emotional. Sorry

I think that if you are very unhappy in your marriage and are being treated badly by your husband, then you would be doing your children a massive service by leaving said husband, therefore giving your children a happy and relaxed mum. They most definitely would not be better off without you, as they really need their mum.

I lost my mum when I was young.

A bad mum (not saying you are, by the way) is still better than no mum- I don't believe this to be the same for dads.

I am sure you are lovely.

I KNOW they need you

Yes I have. Bur in depths of despair at the time. Unless you are abusing them you need to treat the fact that your children need you as a fact that is separate from your feelings or observations. It's like the fact that the earth goes round the sun -to the observer it looks to be the other way around. We know that it is not true but without scientific theory our observations would lead us to the sun going round the earth. However we know it is not the case as a fact of science. You need to treat the fact that your children need you in the same way -every fibre in your being may be screaming at you that they would be better off without you but just as we know the earth orbits the sun you need to accept your children need you.

Thank you, I'm sorry. I didn't realise how much I needed to hear that.sorry again, having a very bad few days. I realise I was asking for something

I'd say your problem is mostly if not all your rubbish twat in your life. I'm sure the depression and feelings of worthlessness would lift hugely without his influence. (Speaking from experience).

If you love your children, and I'm sure you do :) , they would never be better off without you.

I love them more than anything I could ever imagine. But I really do feel they deserve a better than me,when me and h talked about having dc's, I never felt that I'd be a good enough parent, and now that me and h are going through this, I feel terrible!

Children are so resilient. Honestly. As long as they have love, hugs, clean bums and food in their tummy all is ok. Trust me. I've been through 3 marriage break ups (dark dark times) and severe pnd so I do know where you're coming from but honestly dd is 10 now and she is the most balanced and happy child. You'll get through this. Have a hug x

Thank you so so much. I really don't want them to have to be resilient, I want so much for them to feel safe and secure,and happy. I really am trying. But I've made mistakes? And I don't want them to pay for them x

We've all made mistakes, we're only human!

You seem very low and full of self doubt. I hope you find your way out of this x

Happy parents apart are better than unhappy parents together and a lot of the time children don't realise how bad you're feeling because you're hiding it (my mum hid it for years) you can still make your children feel safe, secure, happy and be separated from their father! You obviously love them and for them that's good enough! Have some chocolate and a hug from your children!

Thank

Spent ages twittering then, but dd (who I'm cuddling to sleep) started faffing! Thank you so much for your replies. I'm just having a very very bad few days. I can't cope with this anymore, I've tried for the dc's sake, but I swear I'm going insane! But on saying that, I still don't know if the dc's would be better of with lying scheming twat, or screwd up over emotional,dodgy past me :-( xxxx

My love.

Don't even think of leaving your babies with a sub-standard, cheating lying twat.

That's the only thing they'd have left if there was no you.

You're the only person they can, and will, rely on.

You can sort your émotions out.

He'll always be a twat!

I feel like this too often. But I am getting stronger and I remind myself that until they are old enough to choose if they want to see me, as adults, then I have to be there or them. I chose to have them, they need me in their corner until they are 100% independent. All we can do is our best. Find strength in your love for them x

All the time as I am so far from the "ideal" mum.