A long one i 'm afraid....

[littletikes]

My partner has only ever socialised with my friends maybe 20 times in 10 years. We have argued about it too for this long. He finds any excuse not to come out with my friends. My friends now hate him because of this and say periodically why are you still with him and that they could set me up with someone nicer etc. You use to be so outgoing etc. If we go out as a couple it can only be with his friends. They are a bunch of 10-15 guys that have all met there partners and they only invite the women along with the men to certian doos. The women do not really mieet alone. I have tried to get close to one of the members but my partner got so much stick becuase the one i was trying to get on with was not my partners best friends wife. Best freinds are only to ever go out together (i hate his best friend and acutally my partner hates his best friends wife). (i hope you can all follow). When ever they have parties they only ever invite the same people and go to the same places. I find it very insestious and culty. The men will not let their women have babies until they all do as i discovered seeing for myself why my partner would never allow me to have a baby. Time has now gone on and i feel so trapped.
I hate going to the same place. I like meeting new people all the time. I don't like to be told who i can talk to. All their kids only ever go round with each other too.My partner has to keep things quite if he goes out without this crowd . I never knew how bad things were until now.

I have begun to hate my partner. He is controling me too. I am now a house wife didn't want to be at first but then realised i loved it. My partner is away so much i could not work anyway. 2 babies under 2 1/2.

If i leave him i will be really poor and would loose out on the large deposit i put into the house (not married) and he would still be dictated to me when he can see the kids because he is away so much. At least at the moment i have more money than if i were on my own.

But i hate my life and hate the fact that i had kids with this man. I love my kids by the way.

Any body else in the same boat???

firstly, your dp sounds extremely controlling, although it also sounds as if he is in some way intimidated by this group of friends he associates with. How did they all become friends and how do the other wives feel about this? chances are you're not alone.

Secondly, there's never such a thing as not being able to leave. If the house is in joint name then you will certainly be entitled to a steak in it should you wish to leave, possibly even the deposit you put in plus half the equity, considering you're not marriage and so the law is slightly different with regards to partners who cohabit.

Have you tried talking to your dp, does he know how you feel about this, and if so what does he say? Also, if he changed his ways, i.e. started going out with you, giving you more freedom etc and stopped controlling who you and your children are allowed to be friends with, would you want to make things work with him? if so, you should have a serious chat about how you feel about everything, but if not, you should start to look at your options, do you really want to live like this for the next 20, 30, 40 years? If your partner controls who you are friends with, how will he be when your daughter grows up and wants to start having boyfriends? will she be allowed to date guys who are not from within the inner circle?

Only you can make the ultimate decision, but you have to do what is best for you, and it shouldn't have to revolve around money, it won't be easy, but if the alternative isn't something you want to do any more, then you can make it work.

good luck x

Is the house in your joint names?

The house is in joint names and i have been to the solicitor. I would loose 75k. Long storey. But that is why i have not left. I am so unhappy. I do not feel my feeling will ever change now for him. SO much more has happened too. But it would be too long winded to explain. I have managed to distance myself from the crow but it is just problems with my partner now. I do not love him. I have said to split up too. Every time my parnter had my kids he would palm them off to the group and i can not bare that. So i carry on as i am. I do not know what else to do. I have joined a home help support group with difficulties and have heard of someone going through the same thing but they are not allowed to divulge info. I want to just sell and move as far away with the kids as possible but i know he will make my like even more unbareable. I feel so trapped. I have many times tried to sort this out. But loosing the money and lack of money.(we all have allergies and are in and out of hospitals so often. I would not be able to afford to loose all that i have worked hard for. There is no equity on the house either.