3year old picking up on behaviour?

[ladypippins]

His dad had been verbally and sometimes physically abusive to me during the course of the first 2 years of his life. I recently left and came back ("I will change, let me prove it...this is your family home...we were such a happy team"). So did, 3 months ago. Since then DS has a cold and apparently I'm not doing the right things and DS doesn't want Dad, he want me. Ds doesn't always want to say goodnight and will sometimes ignore him.

Cue just few minutes ago, told I couldn't be bothered because I had a late night (bed at 10but could sleep thinking of our relationship) and then starts shouting about being fucking ignored by D's, he could hear.

Do you think his past, current(?) Behaviour is having an impact?

It is really hard to say op. 3yo do sometimes prefer one parent over the other. But I have a 3yo and he picks up on so much, repeats things and understands what is happening. It may be that he is scared of him or angry with him for being horrible to you.

Has your partner changed? Because shouting about being fucking ignored by a child doesn't sound good.

Have you been in touch with Women's Aid? It is very scary for a child to see their mum being attacked. Our local WA have playworkers who can play with dc while the mum has an appointment.

I chose to leave my emotionally abusive ex when our DS was 2.3 as he was picking up on my ex's behaviour. They do know from a very young age that something isn't right, I second With 's suggestion of a call to Women's Aid, they are wonderful.

Leave again.

This man is going to abuse you all.

Your son IS picking it all up, and it will damage him. It already is.

3 is plenty old enough to understand that daddy's not very nice.

He told me tonight that I overreacted when I moved out - getting a rental and a solicitor involved. He said that me moving back after three days was proof of this. He then told me that he hadn't bruised me, he'd never seen the marks and if he did why didn't I go to the police?!

Well, I was daunted about being on my own after 18 years (no friends to talk to and family are a 1hr1/2 away). He said he would change and stupidly, I didn't want him to get into trouble with the police and I had told him and showed him the (albeit small) bruises!!

I asked if he accepted what he did to me was wrong and he said that he knew it wasn't 'right' - so why on earth didn't he stop when I told him his reactions were unreasonable before he pushed me so far I felt I had to leave!!??

Feeling so frustrated. I want the relationship to work but I feel like he's missing the point. If he thinks that I overreacted then I doubt that he understands that shouting, swearing (even in general conversation, in a negative context, isn't right). Let alone some of the shoving/pushing and fists in face and other physical aggression.

I know it's a bit of a vent but I need to write it down to make it clearer for me.

Small children are highly sensitive and intuitive - they pick up on everything. They can't verbalise it - but that doesn't mean they can't feel it.

This man is not going to change, he really hasn't 'got it' & he never will.

Contact Women's Aid & talk to them, and perhaps consider going back to your parents for a while? Or near them.

My DC are now 3.5 and still use swear words their dad used/get very scared if someone raises their voice/often don't feel safe to show their emotions/panic when I'm angry with them/talk to random strangers about an incident they overheard me discuss with the lawyer. Their dad was removed from our house close to a year ago and they knew what was happening from as early as 1 yo.

Please leave again.