Age and Problems and Online Dating.

[Latara]

I set up a profile on A Well Known OD site.
As username I put in my name and day of birth eg: Latara_23 (as my name is fairly common).
I assumed that my age would be shown with my name and photo - as with the men I've viewed, so I didn't put my age in the description.

Now I've received emails from an attractive 30yr old man who wants to meet up for ''a naughty drink'' (I don't drink - on medication. How do I get out of that one.)
He also mentioned ''you don't look a day over 21'' I don't look THAT young so assumed he was joking and ignored it.
He then said ''are you content with my age'' - I said ''30 is fine, hope you are ok with my age as i'm a bit older than you'' - because i'm just turned 37.

What worries me is that by putting ''23'' in my username he's thought i'm much younger and is keen cos of that - He now hasn't emailed back or asked my actual age.

He's going to be disappointed if he thought i was so young. I do look young (not a stealth boast - people call me 'babyfaced' and i got id'd until recently, and get treated in a patronising way at times).

When the truth comes out how will I cope with the disappointment of knowing that men are so fussy about age.
I want to date men age 42 at most, preferably my age or up to 7 years younger, I just get on better with men my age or younger in RL.

Is OD right for me I wonder?

I've not got a lot to offer anyway - i'm recovering from serious MH problems, i'm on a shitload of medication so I can't drink, I can't drive because I've got epilepsy, I work part time due to being in recovery from the MH problems and therefore claim benefits, I haven't travelled abroad much (all the men seem to be very well travelled).
I'm NOT planning on sharing any of this info with a man until he's actually my boyfriend so some little white lies or cagey answers will be in order (always a bad start I know but what can I do?).

FGS don't start off thinking you have little to offer... you'll be pathetically grateful and that's a bad place to start from. Focus on all the good stuff, health problems don't define you.

I wouldn't let any of the things you've said put me off a bloke. No one is perfect or has a perfect life. Be happy you are young looking, focus on the positive! I wasn't even id'ed when I was 17 let alone 37.

You must be able to amend your profile to show your true age, surely?

You don't sound in a great place, putting yourself down like that. I worry that meeting anyone (whatever age) for "a naughty drink" isn't really going to help your self esteem when it's a bit low to begin with.
I'm all for a bit of fun - naughty drink presumably means casual meeting, probably sexual? - but if your self esteem is low, it may take a battering if you meet men who want casual hook ups.
Be careful!

Well you wouldn't really know until you meet him.
I'd ask him what he means by 'naughty drink'

I also picked up on "naughty drink" someone Simon for wry casual or a ONS might not be very good for your already fragile MH.

If I go on a date with him then I definitely won't sleep with him - in my mind it would be a drink and a chat to get to know a bit about each other.

I think a 'naughty' drink is just a figure of speech round here, a bit like saying ''a 'cheeky' drink'' but I could be wrong...

I've decided to get round the 'not drinking alcohol' by saying i'm at work early in the morning (I work shifts so that would be 7am).

My sister thinks my profile will show my true age as we have to put in date of birth when registering - she thinks maybe he's worried i'll think he's too young for me.

I do feel more positive about things this morning, last night I felt quite low again.

A very much doubt that a naughty drink means anything other than him looking for sex. Seriously - don't meet him. Even if you don't sleep with him, you'll still feel shit if you sleep with him next time, or the time after, and it turns out that's all he wanted.
I'm glad you're feeling more positive this morning, but you're up and down - so take OD slowly - and avoid "naughty drinks".
Not sure why you have to lie about not drinking alcohol... Can't you trust your behaviour / judgement when drinking? If this is the case, knock the drinking on the head totally, especially when dating. Meet for daytime coffee initially. You know that you can just say "I don't want alcohol"? You don't need to lie about shifts. I don't drink. No excuse needed. I don't like it - I order my lime & soda, no explanation required.

I can't drink because I take Anti-psychotic medication. Obviously I wouldn't mention that in particular for a long time.

I am meeting for a drink (non-alcoholic) and a chat - he phoned me and I specified that I wanted a coffee and a chat.

It turns out that he does know my age - it does show on my profile - and he was concerned I would think he was too young for him. Which is silly because we are both in our 30s.

This is the first OD date I've had and I have a no-sex for 5 dates rule that will hopefully rule out any users.

The place where we are meeting is quite near to my part of town and I know where all the bus stops and taxi ranks are so I can get home easily on my own.