Am I going to make the right choice?....

[MeJJ2013]

So I've been in a relationship for 4 years now, we don't live together and I have a child from a previous relationship which was abusive so I left. Me and the child's father don't talk and he's mother will see her every other weekend , me and my partner keep butting heads ATM as I want to go out and socialise with friends and family but he won't allow it. Firstly he said that he didn't want me around other men and I seem to agree and understand where he was comming from. Last night my sister ask me to spend the evening with her at her house to have a few drinks and a chat, I asked my partner if he was ok with me going for the evening and he said no, I left it because I didn't want to get into a argument over something so pathetic. As the evening went on he rang me and said he was with his friend and going to another friends house and I could go to my sister if I wanted but I had allready changed and got ready for bed so I didn't bother, now I said I'm going out tonight and I didn't care what he thinks as you don't trust me and he says he does but why would I want to live that lifestyle? Going out drinking clubbing is for single people and not for somebody who wants to be in a relationship. I want to be able to go out without feeling like a bad girlfriend and no he will understand but I'm starting to feel he's lowly controlling me and I don't no what to do and then he will try to win me over by saying oh we're take my child out have fun we're go we're ever you like, but then I agree and feel the same again the week after !!!! What to do shall I just leave ? ...

I think getting into a situation where you are having to ask someone you don't live with if you can go out is bad.

Why do you need his permission to go out?

It's true I should be able to but he keepS begging me how the hell do I get over this I want just be free I just finding hard being so determined I'm not one for making decions as I guess he made me doubt I could find anything better

I know, it is hard with the begging etc. try and look at it this way. He's not begging because he loves/misses you. He's harassing you because you have made a decision he disagrees with. He wants his own way. Just like he wants to tell you if you can go out of not. He's not respecting you.

Thank you I will keep that in my mind just kind of need to keep that in my head when he is being like that it hard to just keep them things strong in my mind when he's crying he's heart out to me

Don't answer the phone, don't see him. It will just make it harder.

Remember the bad things and remind yourself you can do better. At the very least you can go out whenever you like now

Thank you for your help

You went from one abusive relationship to another, get thee to a counsellor and break the cycle.

These abusive types always beg and cry but you'll be begging and crying if you were foolish enough to go back to him. And they are never ever truly sorry; just manipulative. The tears etc are designed to tug at your heartstrings.

Concentrate on your child and rebuilding your own self worth; such types can and do knock self esteem and self worth very badly. To this end as well I would enrol on Womens Aid Freedom Programme.

Your last man hit you, this one does not (yet) but he verbally belittles you instead, he is another type of abuser. You need to work on your own relationship radar more. Love your own self for a change.

I know I told him I don't want to be with him but he just keeps saying dont throw it all away and I'm just saying no no it's over havent herd from him today he text and asked what I was doing and if I want to go out with my little girl I said no but it's like he just oblivious as to what's happened and what I've said!

So how do I get him to understand he just brushes it off like I'm having a bad week, I no I'm not cold hearted or just want to go off and sleep with somebody else I just want to be able to make choices without him saying if its a shit idea or I can't go I'm fed up of having to explain myself a million times he just not getting it ! Or is just trying to make me think its not a good decion to leave but I allreAdy no I don't have nothing to loose anyway Im financial for myself and daughter so I don't need he's money or sex certainly don't need to be accused 24-7 either just winds me right up!!

Tell him that it's over between you and you don't want to remain friends or have further contact with him. His relentless behaviour is making it impossible for you to have ongoing contact and stop replying to his texts. Good luck - it sounds like he is being difficult to dislodge.

He isn't even respecting your choice and completely ignoring it,he's hoping you will relent for an easy life as he isn't going to make it easy for you either way and carry on as before..

You should really stop answering the phone don't even look at his txts tell him one last time to stop contacting you then delete/block and ignore ever txt and call.
If he comes to your door it's up to you if you want to/have the strength to send him on his way or ignore completely.
I believe this is the only way he will get the message truly that you are finished,there is no room for friendship here either.

So why am I just sitting here feeling like what the hell is he doing I have a child so at home and just can't get it out my head I no I don't want to be with him but why do I keep thinking where is he what is he doing ???

Feel sick!

At the end of the day, it's not important whether he understands your decision and gives you his blessing. All that matters is that he accepts your decision and keeps the fuck away. He's trying to draw you back in and however tempted you may feel, you just need to keep repeating no no no until he gets it.

Conditioning? @lunaticfringe

Oh ok so much more behind relationships must be so nieave

Not naive but you are vulnerable (nothing wrong with this btw, loads if people are) to his tactics. Lots of women have been in this situation and dealt with similar behaviour. Im one of them.

There is no happy ending here. If you take him back he will have railroaded you into it & nothing will have changed. You are doing the right thing. It's hard but on some level you know this situation is wrong or you wouldn't have posted. You & your DC deserve more than this guy.