Estranged sister-in-law invites us to wedding

[Inthesunnygarden]

Hi,
My sister-in-law estranged herself from us when we had children (over 10 years ago). She wasn't able to have children herself and didn't feel that she could have anything to do with us anymore. This has upset her parents very much and also obviously, my husband. She is now in a different relationship and is getting married. My in-laws have invited us to her wedding (they sent out all the invitations). They say that her husband-to-be wants to meet us and they really want us to come also. My husband has asked them if she really is keen to have us on her special day, as she hasn't seen us for so long, never met the children and hasn't contacted us herself at all. They say yes. We are going, however, I am apprehensive. How should I handle meeting her and introducing my children?

p.s. good idea BettyBotter, will show to my husband.

I wouldn't go. Meeting your children for the first time on her wedding day sounds like a very bad idea, she's obviously not the most balanced of individuals.

Erm, but this ISN'T her olive branch, is it? This is the PIL inviting their son.

Beggars belief why they allowed their spoilt brat of a daughter to be so spectacularly RUDE to their son and his PG wife, but perhaps the face saving is theirs, and theirs alone!

This matter is being papered over, it bodes for an 'interesting atmosphere' at the wedding.

Writing the letter mentioned upthread, imvho happy to be told i'm wrong, is a bad idea as it could look smug/sychophantic/just plain wrong, AND feeding into the drama this SIL-zilla has created.

On balance Cozydressinggown has it I think.

Allows you to test the water and protect your children from being treated badly.

I'm surprised she's even allowing children at the wedding tbh!

thanks confused :)

Hissy you were really, really nice to me when I was struggling with the aftermath of a DV relationship a few months ago. Very direct and RAH RAH RAH. I found it really useful as it was 'buck up!!! Wanker!!! Get on with it!' so I think you have a really refreshing approach.

I would disagree on the thread though, to a point, I think it's a chance to build bridges.

:) I know that getting too hung up on the why's and wherefores of others just exhausts us. Best to go with one's gut feeling, be truthful with oneself, honest with oneself and authentic at all times.

It's my new way of living dontya know! :) it cuts through the smoke others blow out to hide the crap they inflict on others!

It's a very black and white view, but stripping out everything to it's most simple form make decisions much easier, IME anyway! :)

I know someone who can't have children and had three miscarriages and also know someone who had a still born and neither if them would have anything to do with children for a while but eventually had to accept that life does go on for other people and they had to find a way of dealing with it.

It is harsh to judge her, unless a person has been in her situation. What she did was very drastic and if her feelings ran so deep then she should have had counselling or something to deal with it.

If you are unable to meet before hand due to the distance then could you ring her and have a chat?

To update everyone and thank you for your advise.

To summarise the last few weeks, my husband phoned his sister in the end and asked her if she really wanted us all there. It was a bit stilted, but she said yes we'd all been invited. He told her that the children are lively and we didn't want to ruin her 'special day'. She still said we were all invited (in a 'huffy' way my husband said) and there would be other children there.

We went, parents-in-law very pleased, all other relatives and even the bridesmaids nice, friendly and kind about the the children (saying how lovely they were etc.)

We went up to sister-in-law and her new husband to congratulate them, sister-in-law said about 5 words (I said how nice her dress was, she said something about dieting to get in it). Didn't get to introduce the children as she then went off, pulling husband who said "I think they want us upstairs", as he was pulled away!

Sister-in-laws' husband seemed confused when my husband spoke to him later and said something like "you are now my new brother-in-law". He looked looked oddly a couple of times during the meal! I went at the end to say we are leaving thanks for having us to the bride and she couldn't even look at me!

My eldest realised what was going on and was a bit quiet during the day, but liked seeing all the other relatives who she knows and meeting those she didn't. My other children didn't seem affected by it at all and seemed to have a nice time.

After some thinking about it all. We had a nice day and everyone but the Bride and groom were pleased to see us; and kept saying how lovely it was to see us and what a lovely family we have etc. So it was nice in the end.
However, I think sister-in-law was made to invite us. She should have said to my husband when he phoned her, that she'd rather we didin't go.

I'm glad its all over now!

5th para is supposed to read "he looked at me very oddly, a couple of times during the meal"!

Do you think your SIL hadn't told him who you were? Bit strange all round, obviously no happy families situation in the near future then

Thanks for the update OP. The behaviour of your SIL is so bizarre and so is the fact that your PIL indulged it for all these years! Anyway, I suppose things will go back to the way it was before?