Caught between a rock and a hard place

[flowersinmyhair]

I'll try and be brief.

A year or so ago my SIL who I am very close to and her dp were having problems.

These problems have not gone away and my SIL confessed to me that she has been having an affair for the last 4 months with some guy from work.

This has had the effect of increasing her sex drive, so basically her dp is now getting 'it' far more frequently than he was (lack of 'it' was part of their problems, but not the main one by any chance). Being a typical (!) male he now thinks that all is fine and dandy and is actually really happy with the way things are between them.

Of course I know the real reason why, and don't know what, if anything, to do about it.

My SIL knows I don't approve and I am trying to encourage her to stop, but of course she doesn't want to.

Part of me says it's their relationship and leave them well alone. However, and this is the tricky bit, I am actually very close to her dp. We had some history a long time ago (which SIL doesn't know about), and although it really is history now, we are still very close, and to hear him say how happy he is breaks my heart because she is being a complete bitch to him, and he deserves so much better.

So wise mumsnetters what to do....?

Alas I don't think there is much you can do. It's their marriage.
Maybe he sort of knows but is in denial. Maybe he doesn't. But there's no way you can tell him.
Hard but I think you have to keep shtum (sp?)

She has put you in a very difficult position. As long as she is absolutely clear that you do not approve I don't think there is anything else you can do. Telling him what you know might ruin any chance they have got and you would feel worse if you were responsible for that. What about your dp, will you tell him, would be even want to know?
If it was me I think I might keep quite and as well out of it as possible. If it ever did come out that you knew I think it reasonable to expect people to understand that it was not up to you to intervene.

Sorry - agree with the others. Say NOTHING.
Meddling is tempting and exciting and oh so easy to convince yourself that you are doing it for their good but it is not your call. If SIL wants her dh to know she will tell him (or let him realise). If she doesn't then their marriage is perhaps saveable if he doesn't find out.
Steer clear!

Sorry - agree with the others. Say NOTHING.
Meddling is tempting and exciting and oh so easy to convince yourself that you are doing it for their good but it is not your call. If SIL wants her dh to know she will tell him (or let him realise). If she doesn't then their marriage is perhaps saveable if he doesn't find out.
Steer clear!

Affairs are symptomatic of problems in the relationship, not the cause.

This lady knows of your disapproval and this is all you can do or say. It's their relationship and ultimately she will be caught out.

I know I know you're all right, and I know too, which is why I haven't said anything to him.

To be honest I still carry a bit of a torch for him (but that's my own issue and nothing to do with them) and hate to see him being treated like crap. I worry that if he found out that I knew we'd no longer be close friends, although he'd probaby understand.

I don't really want dh to know. Although it's his brother that's being taken for a mug they're not really that close - it is only SIL and me being such good friends that means the two of them have a relationship - I doubt they'd ever see each other, exect at occasional family dos, if SIL and I didn't meet up every few weeks.