Tell me how to deal with my MIL

[Anxiouswoman]

I'll try to keep this as concise as possible.

Have been with dh for a total of ten years. MIL was strange but bearable at first but then when FIL died suddenly (they were divorced 20 years earlier) I saw her true colours. Everything was about her. She ran off with the will to the bathroom and we found her running through it saying 'I cant find my name anywhere' (why would it be). She was a total bitch to FIL's girlfriend, and was saying she wanted FIL's car, money etc (but everything was left to dh).

She has got stranger as the years have passed. She dances and sings for us in her living room (!), which makes me very uncomfortable. She says bizarre things. She says hurtful things, like asking if I had a baby under my dress (I hadnt lost my tummy baby weight yet as well she knew). She makes loads of comments about our parenting of ds. Once he was howling his head off as a baby and I was running about trying to get his bottle, and she walked in and went over to him and said 'oh poor love, are they neglecting you?' And then added 'I'm joking. No, half joking'. i could have ripped her bloody head off but said nothing.

Its got worse lately. Ds has been unwell with a gastric bug which has turned into reflux. She kept texting me saying how frightened she was, and then when she came down she said that as an ex paediatric nurse she saw lots of kids go into hospital and not come out. Yeah, cheers for that. She also said that ds's 'arms look thinner, maybe he needs more protein'. I told her he has actually put weight on.

Worst bit: she hasnt worked for 25 years and has her ex partner under some bizarre contract whereby he pays for her mortgage and all her bills. She talks about him shockingly eg 'oh god if he died Id be screwed' and she is now trying to get a £500,000 settlement out of the guy. No, I dont know either. He offered her half of the house money today and she wants more. It makes me sick. I think she is an awful person (no I dont know how this arrangement came about, I darent ask).

Its got to the point where I feel stressed about her coming weeks in advance. Dh cant tolerate her much either but she guilts him into it a lot. We see her for a few hours every few weeks but even that feels intolerable.

Any advice? I dont want her around me or ds anymore.

Is she mentally ill do you think?

She has got stranger as the years have passed. She dances and sings for us in her living room (!), which makes me very uncomfortable. She says bizarre things

This bit kind of points to illness doesn't it?

Possibly. I wouldnt like to say. i think shes definitely lonely. The dancing bit is because she is in a choir and likes us to see what she does. But its awkward.

Ps she did attempt suicide when dh was a kid. About thirty years ago.

I've been in a similar situation in that I had a decent relationship with my MIL and then it deteriorated as time went on. But I think its a very tricky situation, and you have to appreciate that she will always be your DH's mother and your child's grandmother. If you end up in a situation where you don't want her around, you put your DH in a tricky situation - piggy in the middle almost.

To be honest, the financial settlement with her ex-partner is none of your business, nor is the fact that she hasn't worked. If she was asking you for money or anything like that, then thats different, but it sounds like her financial position is her own business. You might not approve or like it but its nothing to do with you. I think making comments about your weight or criticising your parenting (although it sounds more of a comment aimed at winding you up) are annoying, I think you just have to develop a thick skin and ignore her. I think she sounds eccentric, but not ill. From my own experience, I have an OK relationship with my MIL now, I think she kind of accepts that its my house / my children / my rules.

Youre absolutely right, it isnt my business about her finances- but its all she goes on about when we see her, asking for our sympathy. I cant give any. And part of me wonders if she wishes we would give her money, considering how she acted when FIl died.

It is tricky, I dont want to make things more awkward for dh.