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Original poster

Porn Addiction

36 replies

SuperMummy13 · 06/09/2013 16:34

Hi everybody,
Just been wondering with myself, how annoying and sad I feel about my partner's porn addiction...Not that I don't like, prob I was even more likely to it than him, in a far away past..but since the beginning of our relationship I tried to show him I like it, and better than never, would be amazing to enjoy it with him, and have pleasure moments as a couple...but he never showed any interest on sharing movies etc with me....far from this, I discovered a lot of movies and websites in his phone, and computer...the last time I told him off and to get worst he told me he always watched porn, he will always do and he doesn't needs my permission to do it, and will not say sorry because he also doesn't think he needs to.

The fact is that it really hurts me so much..I'm not the perfect woman compared the ones he used to see, and wanker I think..but I consider myself very sexy and attractive..and all his words just makes me feel so bad, unloved and unattractive....by other means..I fell down and upset...nearly depressed.

Does anyone else has the same problem ? how do you deal with the situation...
I consider breaking up in a near future, because I think to myself I DON'T DESERVE IT....but in the same time, I'm sure every men like it.

Help...please

OP posts:
Chyochan · 06/09/2013 16:42

Not all men are in to it, I had a similar problem and it nearly destroyed me, Im still getting over it. Dump him now, it will not get better. You are worth so much more.

Boosterseat · 06/09/2013 16:45

Golly there is a lot of porn threads about at the minute.You are 100% correct - you don't deserve to feel rejected.

Not all men like it, i assure you. Many find it distasteful,abusive and sometimes just completely non erotic. Please don't let anyone destroy your self confidence because they like to watch women being banged in all manner of repulsive ways.

If you cant align your views then its going to be a no go, he will always watch it and you will always feel 2nd best. I couldn't be with someone who considered their masturbation material more important than my feelings that is non-negotiable.

Plenty of women do enjoy porn as much as men, I respect that but if you feel differently that's ok.

Read Gail Dines - Pornland, it may just give you a whole load of other reasons than self esteem to ditch the porn loser.

Chyochan · 06/09/2013 16:45

He is not interested in enjoying it with you because porn is not about real sex, its about escape and feeling powerfull over women, even if its only fantasy. The fact he is putting this first shows he does not care for you the way he should.

Chyochan · 06/09/2013 16:46

'porn loser' I like it, Im going to use it in the hope it takes off as a saying.

Original poster
SuperMummy13 · 06/09/2013 17:19

Yeah, porn loser definitely !
I just feel so sorry that we have a 10 months old baby and he keeps on telling me that we HAVE to be together because we must raise lil baby together..he grew up with his dad travelling around because of his job and knows how difficult it is, and doesn't wants our son to grow up without a dad. But I also have a 11 y.o. that live with us and raised him by myself. I know how hard it is but not impossible.

Not that divorce is what I want, I definitely don't want it but is just tooo hard for me to accept being bad treated, the lack of respect and all this crap makes me really mad !!!

Thank you for your help...will think hard very well about it !!
xxxx

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 06/09/2013 17:25

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

Not all men like porn by any means.

And no, you patently do not have to be together to raise the baby you have together. He the porn loser talks rot. He's also just trying to guilt you even more by saying that.

Your 11 year old is likely to be all too aware of how unhappy you are and senses the tensions as well at home. Its not good for this person either to be in such a horrid atmosphere.

What do you want to teach him/her about relationships, surely not this poor role model of one?.

You'd be better off apart, this man has and will continue to put porn before anyone else including yourself as you have all too clearly seen. You do not have to put up with this and nor do your children.

HairyGrotter · 06/09/2013 17:25

Not all men watch porn.

My ex was addicted to porn, he would wank to that and wouldn't bother with me. I soon got fed up, confronted him, then left him, all within 9 months.

You deserve to be treated with love and respect, neither of which this man seems to provide. Porn addiction, for the other half, is awful, it really breaks down your self esteem and can cause an awful lot of damage. I'm in a new awesome relationship, but my issues caused by my ex's porn addiction still raise their ugly heads from time to time, thankfully DP is kind and understanding, oh, and isn't a fan of porn or any form of women being objectified.

You deserve better!

Original poster
SuperMummy13 · 06/09/2013 17:42

You could all resume all my feelings which I spend day after day thinking about. Even thinking I'm the one who's wrong in the relationship. Sometimes I think I'm crazy. I'm kinda divided by opinions, even tough I know that the best is get rid of him, but bigger issue is that my family lives abroad and I have nobody else here...wouldn't known what to do if break up...well, what a shit situation

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 06/09/2013 17:49

Not all men like porn, but I am not sure what you expect from your partner since you admit to using it and liking it yourself

Is it the sheer amount of his usage, or the fact that he seems to prefer it to you since you had a baby ?

I am sorry you are hurt, but I do think (and this won't be a popular viewpoint) that you can't be all "cool wifey" about porn one minute and then disapproving because it no longer suits you the next

You colluded with this porn loser once. What has changed now ?

I do wish more women would have the courage of their convictions in the first place

AnyFucker · 06/09/2013 20:36

hoi, everyone, I don't wanna kill the thread

has no one else any opinions ?

ChelseaBun · 06/09/2013 20:44

I think some men use porn as their "me time". In that they don't have to worry about making their partner have an orgasm, don't have to worry about losing their erection. I've never had a problem with it, sometimes I just want to be alone with my rabbit and think about me instead of making it good for him.

If they are replacing their sex life with porn and their partner isn't getting any action - then that is a problem. OP are you two still sexually active?

lottieandmia · 06/09/2013 20:48

Not every man has a porn addiction, that's for sure. I've had relationships with men who weren't into it and men who were. The men who were into it had had it as a part of their life from a young age and was therefore (to them) a normal part of their life. I've watched it myself in the past but you know, I've come to the conclusion it's pretty damaging generally. For men who watch it compulsively they can end up not being able to have sex with a real person because they need exposure to extreme images to get off and they become desensitised. There is no easy answer to any of it and I'd be worried if I had a son, that's all I can say as porn was never more accessible than it is today.

I am sorry you are in this position OP. The main issue here is that your DP has shown he doesn't care about how you feel and that is a problem. I imagine he has watched porn from a young age, and perhaps grew up realising that his dad watched it.

AnyFucker · 06/09/2013 20:52

< phew >

lottieandmia · 06/09/2013 20:54

AnyFucker - I don't really agree with what you're saying. You can drink in moderation without being an alcoholic. The same applies with porn - some people are happy to look at it now and again. But if someone needs to watch it all the time and replaces time with their partner with porn watching then it impacts on the people around them in much the same way as any addiction. This is an entirely separate issue from how ethical porn is generally.

AnyFucker · 06/09/2013 21:03

you don't have to agree with me, lottie

but I do see porn as an ethical issue, and a moral one

so if you "watch porn with your partner" and are happy with that, how can you then (in all conscience) develop a moral objection to it at a later date (unless you have a Damascene moment, but OP doesn't mention that)

all you have left is the quantity of porn consumption, which of course is a valid reason to be pissed off, but that is a weak objection when you have colluded prior to this and ignored any ethical objections for your own orgasm (presumably)

unless of course, you were going along with it for his orgasm, which brings me back to my point which is have the courage of your convictions in the first place

lottieandmia · 06/09/2013 21:06

Well, I have an ethical objection to porn as well.

The way I read the OP though, was that she does not have an ethical objection to porn but has a problem with the fact her dp is using it all the time to the extent that it is driving a wedge between them. So I don't think she's a hypocrite.

AnyFucker · 06/09/2013 21:09

I think it is hypocritical to denounce him for getting his orgasm from porn because she is now too busy to do the same.

lottieandmia · 06/09/2013 21:11

It's like drinking. You may like a glass of wine. That doesn't mean you would like it if your partner developed a wine addiction or the impact that would have on you. There are people who generally disagree with alcohol consumption but that is not really relevant in every case.

AnyFucker · 06/09/2013 21:14

porn is nothing like drinking a glass of wine

lottieandmia · 06/09/2013 21:20

I don't read anywhere in the OP's posts that she is now too busy to use porn. What I read is that she wants to be involved but he goes off and uses it by himself and excludes her from any kind of sex life.

AnyFucker · 06/09/2013 21:24

I am utterly sick of arguing about porn on t'internet, lottie, no offence, dude

Op hasn't been on her thread for a little while, perhaps the next move is hers

lottieandmia · 06/09/2013 21:28

I know AF. It's a huge problem for a lot of people. I don't agree with porn either but I read that the OP does not have a general problem with it but does have a problem with her dp replacing her with it.

AnyFucker · 06/09/2013 21:31

I would have a problem with that too

But what I am saying is, have a problem with porn in the first place

Which is what I am always banging on about. I bore myself sometimes Smile

Boosterseat · 06/09/2013 22:35

I changed my mind FWIW. I was young,naive and wanted to appear cool.

Then I grew up.

FourGates · 06/09/2013 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.