What to do about the bitterness

[AllabouttheE]

DH walked out on us three weeks ago. EA completely took me by surprise. So yes I am in shock.

He ended our marriage with a text. Been seeing someone else who has absolutely made a play for him and he is in love with her. He is at his mothers but with her some nights. She's been married twice at least.

Dc 6 and 3

I have let him see them fortnightly. I've been in email contact with him, he is v cold and distant.

Of course I'm bitter. I'm more than that, I'm devastated. I won't let them meet her, I feel as though they should never meet her.

How do you be a good mum when it's eating you up inside?

I don't want to be on my own whilst he has them, so would rather not let him have them. It isn't fair I know, he hasn't asked for them or how them are since he left. I haven't let them speak on phone since week 1 because of the dreadful tears from eldest afterwards, her choice to not talk on phone.

Please don't advise me about his rights. I need advice on how to deal with me.

Btw we've been together 18 years, half our lives and until this shock, we had a very good marriage

It's a cliche but time will help & counselling really helps.

My exH had an affair & I was devastated. I found it hard in the first few months to cope with the kids but eventually I started to feel less overwhelmed & I got back to being the mum I was before the devastation.

I always told myself that all of it would one day make sense & that I would cope. I did. As for the bitterness, I suppose the most useful thing I told myself was that I deserved to be loved by someone who really valued me. I also valued myself despite the massive dent to my self-esteem.

Ironically, my exH seems the bitter one. I don't think that the grass turned out to be greener after all. He also blames me for his affair! All of this has made me see him for who he is & probably always was - a weak, selfish man who chose to start an affair when we had a 4 month old baby. That helped me to let go of the man I thought he was.

Don't be hard on yourself - its a hideous experience. Give yourself time, take up as much support as you can get & remember that one day, you will be in a happier place.