I need some advice

[namechaged007]

I've been a SAHD for two years, my partner left without warning at the weekend, claiming she needed some space. Basically she took my DD for a walk and didn't come back. I haven't really been able to speak to her as she's had the phone switched off most of the time they've been away. She informed me this morning that she spent the night with her new man (presumably with my daughter there) and they plan to be together.

I'm in a state of complete shock/panic. I live in rented accomodation, have no money at all and after taking care of my daughter every day since she was born (apart from this time apart) I can't even get to speak to her. Things weren't great, I lost my job just before DD was born and money has been an issue. This new man is much older than me and quite wealthy and lives almost 200 miles away.

I feel bereaved, have no idea what to do, what rights I have regarding my daughter or how I can possibly cope without her. I plan to go to the CAB and see what advice they can give me, but I'm absolutely devastated and can't think straight.

Oh you poor man Im sorry this is happening to you.

Great idea to speak to the CAB.

Could you get a free 1/2 hour with a solicitor to get a better idea of your rights?

I have no experience but will lend a friendly ear if needed.

thanks, I will see if they have a list of solicitors.

You need to get to a solicitor ASAP. The longer your DD remains with her mother, the less likely a court will be to return her to you. I would have thought that it is in her best interests to be with you if you have been the one getting her up, fed and dressed every morning, bathed and put to bed, caring for her during the day, etc. However, the longer that role is assumed by her mother, the more your DD will adapt to it and a court will be wary of inflicting yet another change on a young child. There are emergency court orders available for this sort of thing.

I know you will be panicking about how you will pay for this, especially now legal aid has been scrapped, but this really is one of those occasions where you have to beg or borrow. It's too important. There are numerous charities who can help advise you on this, some of which will have access to funds to help people in your situation.

thanks Dahlen. That seems like sage advice.

Thanks for the advice, I'm going out to see what on earth I can do.

This site seems very good

Lots of practical advice and references.

Sorry to hear this op. I would be in a complete panic too. What horrible and self centred behaviour. Your DD must be missing you terribly.

Get legal advice asap and post on here for support. How stressful for you.

Just want to second what dahlen said. get some advice ASAP. As my name suggests, I'm a family court magistrate, and while I'm a lay person, I do see a lot of situations similar to yours. As primary carer for your daughter since birth the court should look very sympathetically at you remaining primary carer (but that's subject to looking at all circumstances, of course). There would have to be good reason to change that, convenience for the mother isn't enough.

You won't qualify for legal aid, but the family courts will take in to account that you are having to represent yourself. CAB is a great first start and try and get a free half hour with a family specialist. There is a lot of help out there, but you need to act quickly, particularly since your ex seems to want to take your DD so far away.

Good luck.

Yes, solicitor, quickly. I think it's an emergency residence order you need, but am not sure - they'll tell you.

You're the primary carer. Move quickly and you should be able to get your daughter returned to you. Good luck.

Also, you might find it helpful to repost in Legal with some more detail in the title, this might get you some more tailored and expert advice.

Does it matter if they are married or not? Does that make a legal difference?

So sorry you're going through this.

What you're going through is a kind of bereavement, but you need to see a solicitor ASAP. You need to love quickly.

Move

I know it's hard and I completely understand the bereavement feeling you describe. Keeping busy will keep your mind off it for a little.

Just on a practical note, contact the job centre ASAP to get some benefits sorted out so at least you'll have some sort of money coming in, and housing benefit to sort some of the rent. I could be wrong as I know changes have come into effect but have a look into legal aid to see if you can get a solicitor for contact with DD etc.

So sorry to hear you are going through rhis. Some greatadvice here. Cab are fab and solicitors can give you alot of really helpful advice in the free half hour. I really hope you manage to get something sorted. Cannot imagine what you are going through. Good luck x

CAB were actually really helpful, not just regarding potential residency/contact but regarding benefit advice etc.