This isn't unreasonable, is it? Prostitute using STBXH

[Cabrinha]

I dumped the arsehole in April for using prostitutes. I moved out a month ago. Our child splits her time between us. I've discovered that he has "outcalls" - basically he's so fucking lazy that he pays extra for prostitutes to come to the house.
NEVER when our child is there - I truly believe that.
However, it's utterly unacceptable to me to have that in my child's home.
I can't stop him going out for it, but I've just read him the riot act on if I find out he's ever done it again, we're changing childcare arrangements.
I would never use my child as a pawn. I have bent over backwards to be amicable dispute his cheating on my with prostitutes. Kept it from his family and friends. Because I want to support father/child relationship.
But this is a fucking line he cannot cross.
He wants paid for sex, he goes out for it.
I know I can't control real girlfriends, but it turns my stomach he would have prostitutes in my child's home.
Whilst I'm sure some work independently and pose no risk at all, the sex industry is on edge of some nasty stuff - drugs, pornography, abuse - and I am disgusted that he'd risk bringing this connection to our child's home.

He really is a nasty little shit.

And nice, for my child growing up with neighbours gossiping - it's pretty obvious, different women turning up for an hour at a time. He has observant neighbours and it has to be driveway parking. Nice.

Arsehole.

Sorry - a rant more than anything!

I think you're right. What kind of a father of girls uses prostitutes anyway? Personally, I'd be tempted to prevent him from seeing my daughter by any means for that. How can a person with such a low regard for women raise a girl to have good self esteem and healthy relationships?

how do you know he has prostitutes coming to the house?

I don't want to say how I know. Does it make any difference? He certainly didn't even try to deny it when I told him today that it's not to happen again!

ApocalypseThen: I understand what you're saying, I really do. He wouldn't win any parenting awards, but she loves him, and what he says and does around her is acceptable. I think she would suffer more from having someone she loves removed from her life - even if I legally could do it! But I hear you.

I guess it's more that he needs to know that if he doesn't smarten up his attitude to women, it's not good news for impressionable little girls in his life and the future happiness for which he is in part responsible.

I would end the contact, but I guess that's a predictable response from me

What kind of "man" is this ?

He has to empty his balls into women he pays to pretend to like him. Can't he just have a wank or something ?

Predictable AF, but appreciated! Even if I make a different decision on contact, actually I'm glad others share my outrage.

I think it's easier to say no contact when it's not your child. I'm not going to trot out "but he's a great dad". Actually, I think he's pretty crap - shopping and DVDs over talking, listening, etc... but he doesn't sit there spouting women hating crap to her! I truly believe it would be a more negative influence to remove him from her life.

It's not really something you can debate specifically. But I'm interested generally in people's views I guess.

I just fervently wish that he hadn't made decisions about this part of MY life. Arsehole.

I know some escorts, having worked in the adult chat industry a few years ago.

Most are actually decent women that admittedly do it for the money, but they are very clean, hygienic, all checked for sti's regularly or use condoms (or both), are very discreet and just generally 'normal' women.

Not into drugs or anything like that, never come into contact with them at all.

I think most decent escorts, if they knew a child was there at the time, would leave. So at least you don't need to worry about him calling over an escort whilst your child is staying with him.

One thing I have been absolutely steady in throughout all this, is never being rude about the women.
A friend has faced similar and uses the word whores - I won't.
Tbh I use prostitutes not escorts when I talk to my ex, because I feel that escorts is a euphemistic word, and I will not soften what he is doing. He is not paying for company, someone to escort him. He is paying for sex. In a general conversation with a friend, I would probably say sex worker.

My issue is with my ex (and then, with my H), not the women.
Many will be exactly as you describe. But many will not be. It is not a risk a parent should take.

You sound utterly reasonable

He, on the other hand, sounds like an absolute nob

I am reasonable! (too much so)
I'm rather lovely, actually.
And though I'm happy single now, I'm hoping one day to have a loving relationship with someone who appreciated me and values me.
And will sleep with my without financial inducement :)

Indeed

And I'm taking the complete opposite view - his house, his life, no kids around, separated, thus it clearly has nothing to do with OP.

The monetary transaction has nothing to do with it, if stbxh had a girlfriend coming round when the child wasn't there, would that be ok? I'm sure it would. So how come an escort isn't ok?

Another one here who thinks its none of your business, sorry.