In hindsight, I wouldn't have had IVF to have you

[BigPawsBrown]

Regular, name changed. Yoni etc.

My mum said the above to me recently. She conceived me naturally (I am 31) but we were talking about biological clocks ticking and she said she wouldn't have bothered with IVF "in hindsight".

I don't know, I really don't. It's a very ambiguous comment really isn't it?

I am usually very direct and am with my father but I feel like I've sort of given up with mum because she wouldn't realise what I was asking or she would hang up the phone or be brutally honest ('yes i regret it') etc. We have had hundreds - thousands, maybe - of arguments where she has said mental things and I think after a while you kind of stop asking...

Interesting the context of 'biological clocks' i don't know your background but I worry when people see IVF as a solution to that. I really hope you don't!

When I was v v v depressed about being single in my 30's and desperately wanting a baby my mum would regularly tell me there is 'more to life than children' and that it doesn't make or break your life. She also told me when i finally met DP and found out i was low on eggs' (IVF would not have helped me) that she couldn't have adopted/egg donation as she couldn't image 'doing all that for someone elses child' I knew it was a little mean but honest and I just took it as an adult to adult conversation about what she really thought of her life experiences.

I do think mothers of a certain era have different cultural contexts and aren't good at sugar coating.

I think it all depends on context. Also after having natural miracle DS I have found the strength to ask her exactly what she means by things..

Ah, no, I don't want children really but she definitely does think I can 'just have IVF' at 40 if I change my mind...

For example, if I said 'when you said your job as a mother was done when I finished my a levels' (something she said), 'and used this to justify leaving my dad, it hurt my feelings,' she might say something like, 'in 1999 you didn't get a round in it hurt my feelings'.

Hard to argue with a crazy person...

Just smile and nod and just think (old bat) and try not to let it hurt you.

I think there is a weird balance of mothers love and horrid honesty of the real person which often happens between mothers and daughters.