what is going on with my mother??!

[Hoseason]

My mum and dad have been married for 40 odd years. They have always had a happy marriage, lots of love and laughter. Until probably 3 years ago. My mum seems to hate my dad. She picks at him about everything! I mean everything. He has been very patient and supportive. We all thought her bad mood was because of some health issues that were causing her pain.

Ive had a difficult 10 year marriage and she has been hideous to me about my divorce. Saying it was all my ault. I didnt 'look after my husband' properly...didnt cook his dinners enough etc (we bothed worked full time, he is an alcoholic). I was very hurt and found it difficult to be around her. But things are pretty much ok, i just dont turn to her for support etc.

Anyway...her health issues are resolved, she isnt in pain. She is still being hideous. She is still really critical of all of us. My dad, in particular, but me and my 2 dcs also. (my sister and her dcs can do no wrong, but they live a long way away).

She wants everything her way. She came over today to watch dc2 whilst i go into town. She's stormed off because she doesnt approve off the way i have rearranged the cupboard in my kitchen! and she thinks the shed that my dad is building me is too big and sticks out too far!!!

WTAF?!

I feel really conflicted. On the one hand I feel angry and just want to ignore her. On the other, she is my mum, and I miss the old her. I hate hate hate seeing the way she treats my dad, and he is less patiejnt anbd snappy. Its horrid

It may not be dementia - OP have you considered other conditions, particularly hormone-related, such as hyperthyroidism? It can cause huge mood swings and bad bouts of temper.

I was alos going to suggest a thyroid problem. Other common causes as already mentioned are minor strokes that may go un-noticed, and dementia, but she is on the young side for dementia. She could just be unhappy with your Dad now that he is home all the time, that is pretty common too!

There was another Thread, but her DM had lost lots of weight and was 73. She had her Thyroid tested and it was overactive. I had this in my 20s and I became a raging lunatic at times but also lost lots of weight.
Yes, Thyroid, mini strokes, dementia can cause this change.
Mt DM had dementia but she remained the sweet kind person she always had been - just couldn't remember what she had said or done a minute ago.

The altered dynamic where your DF is at home all the time may well have changed your DM's mood - maybe retirement is frustrating for her and not what she imagined it to be, or maybe she finds it irritating (sorry) to be with her husband all the time.

She is very young to be retired and home with nothing to do - does she do voluntary work, if not then suggest it, or to get a part time job that gets her out of the house at least twice a week.

I'm only part time for a few months due to illness and it's driving me crazy with boredom at just 37; can't imagine how your parents must feel.

My parents are divorced so it's a different situation - but they both work full time and would find it difficult to retire.

PS. my mum is 64 too and had a glandular problem (can't say what it was, it's that unusual it would out me) that altered her mood until she had it operated on. From being really low in mood and grumpy she's much happier with far more energy.

PS. hope your mum's problems get sorted and she goes back to 'the old her'.

I don't think 64 is early to retire They have both worked since age 15.

They had lots of plans. She has loads to do, but she doesn't want tto do anything. She is joyless

yes, she definitely is irritated by my dad. He is very active and busy though, she has no reason to be irritated by him

Not wanting to do anything and being ratty sounds very like hypothyroid. I have this and so does my mother, and before I took meds I found it a huge effort to do anything. If I was asked to a party (having been v. sociable before) I just didn't want to go, just putting on a dress and having to chat to people felt like an exhausting undertaking. My thyroid has slumped again recently, and I am upping my dose of thyroxine. Again, I feel on a short fuse and as though everything is too much effort. Would your Mum go and have a blood test?

It could be lots of things or nothing but I am afraid that behavioural-variant Frontotemporal Dementia is one possibility. It starts earlier than other dementias on average (peak age of onset 60). It is hard to diagnose reliably in the early stages and unfortunately falls outside the expertise of most Memory Clinics (although they will claim it doesn't). Whereabouts are you in the country?