Had my bubble burst well and truly burst! What do I do now as I feel so guilty!

[Tiggs2]

I posted here a short while ago regarding wanting to move from this town, and trying to get my DH to agree. I followed some of your advice and didn't mention the move again for a while, in order to give him time to get used to the idea. It worked a treat as he has actually mentioned selling up, whilst talking to a couple of people we know. I felt on such a high and was incredibly excited!

At first I was looking to move to a local village, which I have always liked the look of and with it only being a few miles away, seemed an ideal place for all of us. After visiting the village last week, my heart dropped like a stone when I realised that the best parts were all up very steep hills, and that the other side of town which has its "rougher" parts directly faces a major motorway and a huge industrial plant, giving the ugliest of views which run for a couple of miles along this village.

So I am now faced with trying to find somewhere else, that is also within our budget and I'm struggling!

One major problem is my 21 year old Ds, who lives with us rent free whilst studying at uni. He has all his friends here and he works part time locally, so it made sense for all of us not move too far.

I keep feeling guilty and thinking to myself that I wouldn't want him to be homeless or cause him major problems but what about his future? He may move out in Two years or whatever, then its just me and DH.

I did find a nice looking area whilst searching the net but it is 40 miles from here and when I hinted at this area my DH said its a bit too far! Please advise on this or give your opinions please!

Why is it important to move now, rather than in a couple of years' time?

I was expecting you to have had an affair at the very least OP! So what you are saying is you want to move house, found what you thought was a very nice village but have realised it isn't perfect.
Then a wave of guilt about your adult son swamped your excitement and has made you feel selfish.

One step at a time. Without reading your last thread and taking it at face value you just want a change. So where in your town are the nicest houses? Or is it a new place and a fresh start you hanker for?
I would get out the map and draw up a shortlist and work out where is close enough and has what you need.

As for your son, this may be the push he needs to get him thinking about his own housing needs after University. Does he plan to share a house with friends? Or go solo? or live with a girlfriend? It wouldn't be good for him to live with parents indefinitely. But it is his life to live, and whether you move towns or not is up to you. He should be looking at saving for a deposit unless you agree to help him out, and paying rent after he graduates too.

I am in a similar position after divorce and looking for a new house. My DC have said it would be nice if I stay in the town they grew up in but they will be moving on and to please myself.

Uh oh don't lose heart so soon after your major obstacle of DH being anti has gone. Feeling guilty about persuading him is a waste of energy.

Just cast your net wider and don't write off the town you're in. Are you fed up with your neighbourhood or the place as a whole? There could be a 'hidden gem'. Save shoe leather and petrol use Google Street View. Visit at different times on different days to get an idea of traffic volume, age of population.

DS is lucky to live rent free. You're right after graduation he will possibly move out before long but socially as an adult it's up to him to make his own arrangements. At what point do you and DH get to suit yourselves where you live? Not saying you should evict him with no notice but he's not a schoolchild.

Examine your house purchase criteria. Eg if you are automatically including DS in your search with an additional spare room your budget would stretch further if you kept to a two bedroom place. Be as flexible as you can. Bit of green space or rambling garden that requires maintenance? Quaint but hard to keep warm cottage or modern purpose built flat?

Don't expect immediate success. Be honest with DH if he queries progress; you're selective, not fussy. Look together, voice opinions and listen. He gets to have a say and you want to look forward to a fresh start. Be methodical and stick within budget.

Is the village Pill near Bristol? Only asking because it sounds very much like it! If it is, well, I lived there for 5 years and loved it there and actually liked the industrial skyline. I have moved to the nearest town and like it but would move back in a heartbeat (if it wasn't for my kids being settled at school and i'd never get a mortgage).

Regardless of where it is, I would say maybe look to move when your DS has finished Uni as, like you say, you can make the move with less consideration to him. Also, it will give you time to properly look at villages etc rather than just picking somewhere because it is the right price at the moment.

Generally speaking, where is the area?

Thank you for all the replies, and sorry LemonDrizzled, for giving the wrong impression with my choice of words on the heading! I think I got a wee bit carried away, plus I made a mistake with double clicking!!
Can be a bit daft like that sometime, doh!! :-)

I would like to move now rather in say two years, because it was always been in our future plans to renovate and extend our existing home when my DH finished work, and that is now less than a year away.

I have never really been overly fond of this town and lately have grown to loath it, the negatives outweigh the positives, and particularly over recent months as I had a horrible experience in my local supermarket! I wrote about this in my previous post, and I think that put the topper on this place for me. The area is quite popular though and a lot of big companies and retail outlets are springing up here, bringing even more tourism and jobs etc.

I started to think about the cost of building work etc and weighed it against the cost of moving from here, and to move it would cost the same if not cheaper, but I don't want to make a big mistake!!
A new and fresh start feels good to me, though its a little scary as we had never planned to move from here when we first settled, over 22 years ago now!