how to sort out finances - divorce

[epic78]

I really want out of marriage. Just don't love, respect or even like (d) h anymore. Lots of minor ea type issues.
So I have also posted in legal as I feel totally trapped. Posting here to for more personal experiences.
Basically we have 3 dc and a mortgaged house.
Also 10k savings
Dh has big private pension 300 pm going in and maybe 45k worth endownments.
Origanally I though his endowments and bulk of pension would equal house equity. 150k in total,
Obv not exact split but baring in mind he earns 65k pa not unreasonable.
However I have discovered our mortgage lender would only lend me less than half that.
Hoe on earth can people divorce once a mortgage is involved.
If we sold the house I would be resigned to living in rented as I could never afford another mortgage even if I went back to work full time.
Plus hopefully soon to be ex partner will struggle to pay maintenance and get a mortgage himself.
Sorry getting rantly but just seems so hopeless.

We are in a small 4 bed so moving to a 3 bed is a possibility if the house would sell. Although this would mean an almost 10 year old dd having g to share with her 1 year old sister. Not ideal.

Incidently I did contribute to mortgage pre dc. For 5 years and also put in about 20k equity into the pot.

I don't think they could force a sale of a small 4 bed, if you have such a big age gap between your daughters. You couldnt have a 5 year old and a 15 year old sharing could you? so I would think that the house cant be declared as too big for your needs.

I was advised that the starting point is 50/50 and then it goes from there depending on who has the children etc , which usually seems to be the mother, so quite often can be up to 80/20 split depending on other assets and number of children etc.

All assets are deemed to be 50/50 and the house likewise if you own it jointly. If you equally own the house, then it doesnt matter who put what in, or who contributed what, it is still a 50/50 starting point.

I was quite livid about that because I got nearly £90K from the sale of my old house, which all went into our new one, apart from paying off XH's debts :( . He had nothing and put in nothing. But I stupidly put the house into joint names as I did not think he would walk out less than 6 years later.......

Thats why I say that morally he did the right thing by walking away from it, as it was my money. Legally however, he was entitled to 50% of the equity in the house.

Of course you could have 5 and a 15 year old (same sex) soblings sharing!

I for one would not want a 5yo and a 15yo sharing ... Hugely different bedtimes, teenager wanting to hang out in room with friends, play music. 5yo wanting to get into 15yo makeup and stuff etc . It would not be an ideal situation for anyone. The age gap is too big.

Allhappyfamilies- I had no intention of getting divorced either until my husband walked out with no warning, texting OW thousands of times and treated me like shit. I couldn't give a shit if he lived in a cardboard box. He left me struggling to pay a huge mortgage on my own for 12 months.

Maybe you won't be so smug if it happens to you one day. If you have no experience of what OP is asking then I fail to see how your comments are either relevant or helpful.

epic have you seen a solicitor ?

I have just posted this on a similar thread on here - there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to the financial split in a divorce. Yes the starting point is normally a 50/50 split but the variations are enormous.

Not yet. Just putting out feelers at the moment. Thank you for replies.

In that case I would bite the bullet and pay out for proper legal advice.

There really is nothing to be gained from hearing other peoples experiences because each case is considered on its unique situation. The only set rule is the percentage of his income he would need to pay for your DC should you go down the CSA route.

When I put out feelers the bits I heard put thoughts in my head that were then quite unhelpful when I came to my own divorce

I second getting proper legal advice.

I put it off for ages as I was worried about the cost of a solicitor & needed to feel emotionally strong enough to deal with it.

When I finally booked the appointment, I was both relieved & surprised with the advice I got.

My solicitor wants to go for 80% of the equity of our house but for me to stay in the marital home until the kids are grown up. I am in a strong position as main carer for the kids as well as my youngest being almost 2, so working full-time is not an option until she goes to school. My exH doesn't have a pension either. I am also aiming for spousal maintenance & hoping to get my solicitors cost paid for by exH as I'm a SAHM (looking for part-time work).

My exH is a high earner & even if I go back to work full-time, I will only earn 30% of what he does. My earning potential is nowhere near his. This puts me in a strong position again - he will forfeit more of his claim to the equity to bring it in line with my situation as he will no doubt be able to get another mortgage whereas I will struggle to. Renting isn't an option as we have an excellent deal on our mortgage & renting would actually cost more than mortgage payments.

I have no idea how it will pan out as exH is entitled & notoriously stubborn but I am determined to get a good deal so my kids have some security & a good life.

moonfaces post exemplifies what I mean

My situation was quite similar but I got a completely different deal because of our personal financial situation

Moonfaces our situation seems quite similar but I guess I could receive totally cifferent advice. Thank you.
Must start getting copies of fin docs now older two are back at school.
I desparately don't want to sell or move out of house as I than won't qualify for housing benefit or income suport and lets face it 75k is only 75 months of private rent in our area,. I really don'T want to work full time as baby is only 1 and the other 2 still at primary and my earning capacity not great as previous job was not muchabove min wage.

Epic - you really need to get some good advice & a solicitor who is fighting your corner much more. I can't understand how any solicitor would advise just a 50/50 split when your ability to earn is severely compromised by your young children.

My solicitor said that he would normally advise a 60/40 split but because DD2 is so young, he wants 70-80%. No pension either so I would imagine that even if you get a deal with his pension, maybe a 60/40 split?

Obviously, I'm not a solicitor & I am going on the variables of my situation but I think the deal you are being offered isn't really fair. If your exH is EA, then he may want to be particularly difficult & feel like he's 'won', so to speak.

I have no idea how mine is going turn out & I don't want to be wracking up huge solicitors bills - yet I want a fair deal.

At the very least, you should be able stay in the marital home til the kids are older maybe?

For what its worth once we had each sought legal advice we then thrashed out a deal between ourselves which got tweaks from the solicitor but helped keep the costs and stress down

Can I just ask; if you stay in the marital home with children, does your exH have to continue to pay the mortgage?

The 20/25% of his income for maintenance - is this in addition to mortgage ex H paying mortgage?

Spousal maintenance - is that on top of the above?

Spousal maintenance will be on top of the 20% I will get as maintenance.

As for the mortgage - I'm not sure yet. I may be able to pay half of our mortgage if I get child tax credit or have an agreement that he pays the mortgage until I am in a position to pay half.

I am fortunate that exH is a high earner, so the maintenance I will get may cover all my monthly outgoings.

At the moment my H pays our mortgage out of the child maintenance, although we are lucky in that our mortgage is very low. My lawyer seems to think it is not appropriate to deduct the mortgage out of the child maintenance and this is particularly the case in a repayment mortgage. (I have to say I don't think it is inappropriate in the case of an interest only mortgage...)

moonface - I have no idea how it will pan out as exH is entitled & notoriously stubborn LOL that rings a few bells!

I would expect to pay mortgage out of maintenance tbh. I think we only have 12 years left anyway.
I just assumed 50 50 was the norm.
Thanks again.