Is he only with me because he feels sorry for me?

[Orderose]

Am a regular, NC'd at weekend for other reasons.

Been with him for several years, not married, each have our own house in the same village. No DC's together. Both of us are happy with living arrangments as they are currently. He regularly plans weekends away for us, takes me out a couple of times a week. But yet I feel like a source of irritation to him. He just doesn't seem to like me very much. I feel as if everything I do irritates him and he snaps at me quite often.

I think I'm saying I feel unloved. How do you know when someone loves you? I was married for years and I now seem to have lost any ability to know what makes a relationship normal.

Am I going to make an arse of myself if I come out and ask him directly if he only stays out of pity. Does that make me sound weak? Or can you advise how I should approach him about this?

Do you love him and want to be with him?

Yes, I love him, and want to be with him. Although his behaviour towards me over the past few months is making me wonder how well I really know him. He's like Jekyll and Hyde and so I guess I dont know WHO it is that I love. Hope I'm making sense, I've been upset today and still not really thinking straight.

Why are you worried about asking him?

Can you go away for a bit or be 'unavailable' for a while?

Your post makes it sound like you are always there for him to 'take you out'.

Maybe don't be available for that this week and see what happens. Make other plans, go away for the weekend yourself.

He may need a little reminder of what he has.

Ps: men don't stay with women out of pity, they just don't. However they do sometimes not appreciate what they have and need reminding.

Have you asked him why he snaps?

Any plans to move in together eventually? I'm guessing you both have DCs from previous relationships?

He sounds stressed to me.

AndAnother, interesting comment. He is stressed because of some business issues - ones that aren't going away anytime soon. Also he has taken on the bulk of care of an elderly parent in the last year. He's been much more irritable since then. I didn't put two and two together on that one until just now.
So I guess the question is, can I get him to change or do I just put up with it until he's dealing better with the stress?
And actually, why am I his verbal punchbag, if that's the case.

MexicanHat we do plan to move in together eventually, but neither of us is in any hurry. It's something longer term, perhaps 3-5 years from now. He has no DC.

Do you want to put up with it?

Why not talk to him about it? He may not even know that his circumstances and his behaviour are linked - many people don't.

CailinDana - if this is going to be the way it is forever, then the answer is no. I don't want to put up with this. However, if things can change, and he goes back to who he is/was, I don't mind it in the short term. I dont think. I do love him but the problem is that I don't like him very much how he's been this last few months.

Oh you asked why I'm afraid to ask him, I dont know really, I just think it may come over as a bit of a strange question. I

AndAnother I will try to have a chat with him about this. I will need to pick my moment carefully as I'm walking on eggshells a lot of the time. I did tell him I was upset by something he'd said to me last week, and he seemed genuinely shocked. He didn't actually apologise as such, but did say that he hadn't intended it to sound nasty and definitely didn't want to upset me.
Hmm.

Do you think he's aware of how he treats you?