I'm over reacting, aren't I?

[WinkyWinkola]

I was Wendied recently.

Someone who I thought was a dear friend started to avoid me totally (whilst smiling and being polite), making play dates with other people and their dcs all around me but never ever suggesting we hook up or saying she was too busy when I suggested we meet.

She became very close to a friend of mine (now acquaintance) who has behaved badly towards me - using me for childcare excessively, flirting with my dh etc.

My friend knew how this now acquaintance had behaved towards me and she was amazed and appalled at the time.

This acquaintance actively sought out my friend, always mentioning to me how they were meeting, she was popping round etc.

This in particular I didn't care about but when it became clear I was dumped by my friend, I was so hurt. I was surpised at how very upset and hurt.

I detached, became distant but polite. Now my friend has called me and left a message saying she wants to explain some things to me.

I just don't want to know. I am still upset. I will probably either cry or get angry if I talk to her.

She's a very practical no nonsense kind of person and my reaction will probably confirm to her that I am best avoided anyway.

I just want to maintain my dignity after being dumped and I don't even really want to know why she did it.

Trouble is our dcs go to same school, the social scene is strong and four of us mothers (including my friend and the acquaintance) had/have this regular supper meet going on and I am dreading the next one.

I just don't want any drama - my acquaintance created so much of that and it's exhausting.

I just want to be left alone but even that sounds dramatic.

Sorry for so long post.

Funny things with messages. Sometimes they get lost... or you just don't reply to them.

If she calls and speaks to you it is a really bad time right now sorry, bye...

If she leaves a message 'explaining' delete without listening. Sorry I didn't hear it (not a lie).

Continue being polite and distant in company and make sure she never catches you alone to 'tell you'.

Shame isn't it.

She could of course be calling to apologise but I doubt it as that would have been in her message where as explain seems to want to tell you why she felt you were worth ditching. You don't need to hear it or listen.

I would be prepared for the rest of the group to be wendied away though that is only one other out of the four right?

Thing is my friend is heavily pg so I don't want to cause upset either.

The 4th mother in the supper meet is well aware of what the acquaintance is like. She's been seriously cheesed off with her too but thinks she's a laugh as long as kept at a safe distance.

Keeping polite and distant and not getting into a discussion will cause a lot less upset that giving her the blunt truth she deserves.

Being pregnant does not give her a right to explain why she has dumped you while you sit there and take it so not to cause upset.

Can you try a stuck record I don't want to discuss this right now I am too hurt and walk away if approached?

How I'd you understand her message, OP? That she was going to 'explain' in the sense of apologise for / justify her own actions? Or that it was oing to be her 'explaining' yiur personality flaws and why she doesn't like you any more? Either way, you're under no obligation to give her the opportunity if you don't want to. Just keep saying you are too busy, that now isn't a good time to talk?

Is the 'acquaintance' also a member of the supper gathering?

Sorry, stupid keyboard. First sentence should read 'How did you understand her message?'

Yes acquaintance is member of supper gathering. She's very glamorous. Holds big parties. Very very popular. I just didn't like being treated like a member of her staff.

I'm a fool. Friend called again and I answered not realising it was her. She wanted to know my new address because her dog had chewed through a travel pen I'd lent her and she wanted to replace it. That's all.

So I needn't have got worried.

Um that is not explaining some things to you? Very confusing. Doesn't make you a fool though.

She clearly wanted to explain about the dog pen.

I could quite imagine that maybe friend has heard some bad things about you (guess who from!) which she didn't want to confront you with, but which led her to cool the friendship. Maybe acquaintance has convinced her that the terrible tales about what she was up to were lies or projection on your part. But then maybe after a while friend has started to notice that the source of the bad stories is maybe not 100% reliable, and wonder whether in fact you aren't such an evil whatever-it-is after all... or maybe she hasn't quite got to that point yet. Hopefully she'll work it out eventually.

Or acquaintance is sleeping with her, or gives her drugs

Re the dog pen, well at least she has some respect for other people's possessions, if not for their feelings.

Well,it still hurts to know that a friend just isn't interested in you anymore.

Could that have been a tiny olive branch disguised as a travel pen? Did it have little branches sticking out?

I think your dignified distancing has made your ex friend pause for thought. Whatever is fuelling her withdrawal your pulling back too has made her miss your company and she is just making contact over a pretext.

Keep being breezy and friendly and maybe arrange something fun with the fourth supper friend and fill her in on the situation. Could you expand the circle a little so you have other friends too?

I do find it tiring that friendship in adult life is just as hard as it was years ago!

It is tiring, Lemon, and boring so I'm just going to leave it.

I don't believe you should treat people that way and well, I'm going to get a backbone and just carry on my merry way.