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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Other half just admitted he is suicidal

19 replies

mummyaimz · 02/09/2013 18:37

I feel like since I've got this on my phone I am constantly posting but this is a bit more serious for me.
The other half is having a horrendous time at work and he didnt feel well enough to go in this morning. His drinking has increased recently and now he has told me not over two hours ago he is suicidal. I don't know what to say. I say we have to talk about it and all he says is "you will get cross at me".Of course I feel cross because he doesn't tell me anything and I know he has been unhappy with his work for a few months me but I really want to support him. I don't know what to do. When I think about what he said I just burst into tears because all I can think about is our little 2 year old daughter. I don't know what else to say but I'm terrified. I'm trying to persuade him to get signed off from work but he won't go to the doctors. He just says he will get through it and he keeps smiling. I'm confused and don't know what to do

OP posts:
Treen44444 · 02/09/2013 18:58

I'm sorry to hear that. He needs to go to his GP or a GP he feels comfortable with. He sounds like he is self-medicating with the alcohol.
If I were you, I would go and see a doctor if he won't for advice. If you share a doctor with him, maybe pick a different doctor if he feels uncomfortable about your family doctor knowing at this stage.

Original poster
mummyaimz · 02/09/2013 19:05

At our doctors surgery we just see anyone we can as it's a nightmare to see a doctor or nurse. I was wondering about talking to nhs direct but I'm guessing they will just say to speak to the gp

OP posts:
davidsotherhalf · 02/09/2013 19:11

go to a&e and ask for assessment under the mental health act, sorry but needs to be worded like that or they will send him away, hope he gets help tonight

Treen44444 · 02/09/2013 19:13

Maybe the Samaritans, nhs, any other well established UK charity websites will have info. If he is really bad and willing then A&E is an option.
It won't hurt to phone them.

Original poster
mummyaimz · 02/09/2013 19:22

Thank you. I wish he had told me sooner but he just bottles up until it gets too much

OP posts:
CailinDana · 02/09/2013 19:29

Accept what he has said without freaking out. I know that's hard but at the moment he is absolutely not in a position to deal with your feelings. You need to be the strong capable one for the time being. If you need to talk about how you feel come here or call the samaritans or a friend but don't offload onto him. He's very ill and he can't handle it.

Strange as it may sound the fact that he's told you is a very good thing because it means he is looking for help. Being suicidal doesn't mean you definitely want to die it means you can't bear to live in despair any longer. To his ill mind dying seems to be the only escape from his pain. You need to show him that that's not the case.

How is he at the moment?

Original poster
mummyaimz · 02/09/2013 20:03

He hasn't been sleeping very well so right now I just let him curl up on the sofa and sleep. I'm not going to offload on him, It's just going to be tough for him to see a doctor.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 02/09/2013 20:41

Next time he's awake could you talk to him? Or rather just listen to him?

Gruntfuttock · 02/09/2013 21:27

Please get him professional help as soon as you can and please be as kind, patient and loving to him as you possibly can.

goonyagoodthing · 02/09/2013 21:33

Try to stay calm even though inside you are going crazy. I am in Ireland and we have Pieta House, an organisation which is aimed at suicide prevention. I tried to google to find the equivalent there - I can only come up with [http://www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/] or [http://www.papyrus-uk.org/].

My brother attempted suicide two years ago and the lack of support, understanding or help from everyone including the doctors / professionals was unbelievable. We had to fight for everything. Thankfully he is OK now (touch wood) but the fear never leaves. The above places would point you in the right direction.

Good luck to you, I know how hard it is.

Original poster
mummyaimz · 02/09/2013 22:01

We have a place just around the corner from us that deals with this but you have to get referred by our doctors surgery. It's getting late, I think I might just let him sleep and talk tomorrow. He hasn't had any drink since falling asleep so I want to leave him cause I don't want him to wake and start drinking more if you get what I mean

OP posts:
CailinDana · 02/09/2013 22:19

Yes let him sleep. What's your plan for tomorrow?

Original poster
mummyaimz · 02/09/2013 22:25

I don't really know. Try and see if he will talk to a doctor at least cause we can get the doctors to phone is back at our surgery. Then he doesn't have to go to the surgery. Other than that I don't know.

OP posts:
newgirl · 02/09/2013 22:37

Samaritans are fab if you want to give them
a call right now - to support you too. You can email too though that can be a little slower.

cestlavielife · 02/09/2013 22:44

You need to call gp first thing and say exactly what he has said.
If you cannot get him to go to gp and Gp won't come to you and he is till talking about being suicidal call 999 and have para medics come and assess him.

Don't ignore it.
If he asks you. It to call anyone then leave the house and do it anyway. You have to act responsibly as if he is suicidal he won't be making the best decisions.

For you call Samaritans now and talk it thru with them

www.mind.org.uk/mental_health_a-z/8065_suicide-supporting_someone_else

cestlavielife · 02/09/2013 22:45

If he tells you not to call gp do it anyway

Gruntfuttock · 02/09/2013 22:47

mummyaimz you may already know this, so apologies if you do, but a seriously depressed person may suddenly seem to 'perk up' and become more cheerful and this may be a sign that they are about to kill themselves, i.e. it's all planned and the decision has been made (the lift in mood is because they know that their suffering will soon end) I just want you to be aware that this happens so that you know that the crisis is not necessarily over if he suddenly seems to 'cheer up'.

Original poster
mummyaimz · 03/09/2013 16:29

I don't know. He has finally admitted he needs help after fighting me most of the day. Couldn't get him to see a doctor this morning but he will see a doctor tomorrow if I come with him.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 03/09/2013 20:43

That's good well done. You might have to be quite forceful tomorrow, don't let him back out.

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