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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Overcoming the influence of a narc parent..but at what cost?

27 replies

Capitaltrixie · 02/09/2013 09:28

Feel like I've made a breakthough. The majority of feelings of doubt, insecurity, being abnormal and unlovable have for the first time in my life that I can remember been replaced by empowered feelings and a higher sense of self-worth. This has coincided with me distancing myself from my mum, not physically (she helps out with childcare), but emotionally and by rising above when she tries to draw me into unhealthy behaviours.

My mum is, I suppose, quite a subtle narc, she is a smother mother who almost, to outsiders, would appear to love us too much. Yet, she treated me like her possession for years and previously I always felt like a dependant puppet who couldn't survive without her help (she always seemed happier when I was upset because I needed her). Well, no more.

Just wondered -any tips for silencing the residual doubts? doubts I assume which tend to be inherent with children of narc parents (something about not having the chance to develop a good, healthy sense of self and individuality maybe..). I'm dealing with the guilt but it's difficult; I'm currently the black sheep in the family because I've put my foot down, but I care a helluva lot less than I used to Grin
My relationship with her and my step-dad is terrible though. I guess that's the cost...

OP posts:
BiddyPop · 02/09/2013 12:08

One thing I found strangely helpful was to physically put on my makeup when I get up every morning that I am staying near DPs, or expecting to see them near me. THAT is my suit of armour - I imagine all my DMs nasty words bouncing off the foundation and powder, while I feel stronger and know I look put together - it makes me strangely much calmer and less likely to immediately react when she says something.

I do like the power of silence too - that does work!!

Lottapianos · 02/09/2013 12:10

BiddyPop, I do that too, and not just with my parents. Make-up isn't called 'war paint' for nothing!

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