I think theres more to it...

[HeyUGuys]

Since having ds2 12 weeks ago DP has not slept in the same bedroom, never mind bed, as me.
The room has been moved to make room for a cot, an he says he cant sleep by the wall. He hasnt made an effort to re arrange it though?

Maybe its not linked but, when preg we hardly had a sex life, he still wanted it but chose to watch porn instead, he has admitted now that he found me 'unappealing'.

There is no foreplay involved, not on his part anyway, i am expected to give but he wont return the favour.

Is he telling me something i'm trying not to see?

Well what I'm seeing is a man who prefers porn to sex, is cruel and who's a monumentally crap lover.

What are you seeing, love?

Mostly the same, its not normal totally moving out of a bedroom that you share with your partner, because you cant sleep by a wall?

No, that's not normal at all and have never heard the like.

It's an excuse I'd have thought, to get out of doing what he doesn't want to do: see to the baby in the night and have sex. Mind you, it doesn't sound like he's very good at either.

I don't know whether this thread is just a spleen-venting exercise or whether you're (hopefully) seriously re-considering this relationship, but I'd be surprised if you had more than a couple people telling you any of this is acceptable. And they'll just be the manpleasers and porn hounds.

I just dont understand, if he doesnt want to be here he only needs to say, not make up stupid excuses to keep away.
Tonight he is sharing a bed with my sds, last week when sds + nephew stayed he chose to sleep on the sofa, which he has done a few times.

Its just odd

Not really.

I expect it would be financially difficult for him to live on his own, plus I'm going to take a shrewd guess you do most of the domestic chores and childcare?

What was he like when you were pregnant with your first child? There are a lot of men with these traits who've got a madonna-whore complex and who cannot equate motherhood with female sexuality.

Why did the relationship that produced his son break up?

You're right i do, in the 3 months ds2 has been here he has taken him out twice, to his sisters and his moms, ds is bottle fed due to reflux so there is no excuse.
In the house instead of playing with ds he dumps him in a bouncy chair, then sticks his head back into whatever stupid game hes playing on his phone/ipad. An he expects him not to fuss!

My eldest ds if from an ex dp, my sds is 12, as far as i know dp and his exdp had a volatile relationship from the start, i think his drinking played a part. ( dp is recovering alcoholic, gets better an better i know )

Bumping this for you, love, so you get some more opinions hopefully.

What else is there in the relationship? Is he affectionate, caring towards you? Do you think you could rebuild your relationship to something that makes you both happy? Would he go to counselling?

Right now it seems that there is nothing there, at all, but there must have been something there to begin with - is that now a distant memory, or do you want to try to stop the slide and work it out?

If reading all that you're thinking "nope" then you have your answer. If you think there is still a hope for you both, and you want to take it, and you think he wants to take it, good luck, and find a couples therapist to talk to. I think some people fall into being very lazy and selfish and need a kick up the arse to come back to being the people we fall in love with, whereas some others just aren't interested and do nothing but drag us down. Only you know which one he is. Right now he doesn't sound like much of a catch.