I recently asked STBXH to leave, original thread here
When we split I could contain myself no longer, I literally spewed the anger and emotional pain of ten years of being dragged along by an entitled, abusive Manchild. I wept and finally got angry with him. As I did this he sat in the chair and basically said nothing - I put this down to shock.
So, after giving XH some emotional 'space' to come to terms with a split that 'came out of the blue' I met with him recently to discuss moving on from our 14 year marriage. Strangely, it was like catching up with a mate I had not seen in a while. No emotion from him at all. I kept waiting to see if he had any contribution to make on the subject of what has happened to our marriage. Nothing was forthcoming. I reassured myself I had made a rather splendid decision, just thought it was odd... and why that might be.
So now I learn from my sis (who saw him this weekend) that this is what he thinks: there is no point in discussing anything, it's 'futile'. He misses being part of a family (now that has got to be some sort of joke: his contribution to family life was zero, he actually felt burdened and inconvenienced by having to look after his own kids during the weekends if I worked - he actually still does even though he only sees them about 1-2 days/week, he is now quite keen that he doesn't miss any good parties, seemingly, and has started intimating that I'd better not be working on X date for this reason). He doesn't miss me. He feels he is 'governed' by me (read: I don't need to make any grown up decisions or consult financial advisors or solicitors, I will just feel done to and complain). There is nothing at all he feels he wants to say.
He has literally put his tail between his legs, gone forth, started spending money on boys' toys, drinking in pubs all afternoon. Had I known that he didn't even think our 14 year marriage is worth some sort of acknowledgement I would have kicked him out, quite literally, many YEARS ago. I am in complete shock. I was going to wait two years and do things amicably and responsibly. He cannot see what is in front of his face and what has gone down the pan, and it just doesn't seem to matter. I am going to divorce him ASAP with a detailed agreement which outlines in black and white the steps needed to behave like an adult and capable, responsible, father.
I feel a complete fool, for putting up with many years of horrendousness and not realising I was married to a rudderless manchild with the emotional depth of a turd. I knew the marriage was a mistake. Now I realize just how big