Desperate and struggling - please help

[idontevenknowwhattoput]

I know it is entirely possible many won't know what to put here, I don't even know myself.

This is not about my relationship with my husband, or partner, or even my parents. it's my relationship with food and it's a horrible, embarrassing mess.

I'm hugely overweight and I'm embarrassed to report it is impacting on my health. Struggle to catch my breath, knees nearly always painful. Can't find clothes to fit.

I wasn't always like this, and photographs from as recently as 2012 show me looking a nice size (size 10/12, fine at my height), smiling, happy. But I suffer from binge eating disorder. All my life, I have fluctuated in weight but it's been controlled because I might have a bad 2 months but then I'll control it for 2 months. So my weight might have veered between 9 and a half and 11 and a half stone, say, but never out of control. But I lost it last year and can't get back.

Every day is dominated by food and eating it and if I carry on I am going to end up bed-bound, losing everything. I look awful, I feel awful, Please, can't anyone help me?

Counselling maybe? Not solely for the weight gain but maybe there's an underlying issue that your not dealing with simply because your not aware of it if that makes sense?

I know I will get slated here, but I was that person. I recently had a gastric band fitted, I had tried every every every thing. This appears to be the only thing that has had any impact. I feel a lot less desire to eat, and fill up really fast.

I had binge eating disorder, had tried, slimming pills, counselling, dodgy pills off the Internet, hypnosis, more hypnosis, hypno gastric band, 5:2 everything, nothing worked long term, or even short term

I think you've correctly identified it as an eating disorder. Have you been diagnosed? You don't mention seeking treatment (and I guess may feel that it ought to be something you can do without outside help?) but that's certainly what you need to do.

Here's the NHS page on binge eating, have you read it? It says that binge eating is a treatable condition. Please don't suffer on your own.

I also don't think I had any underlying issues, I was just addicted to food, and needed something powerful to break that addiction

Firstly, well done for posting.
Have you sought any help IRL? Eg your GP, to ask for a referral for help tackling the issues underlying your relationship with food - because the first step to changing it, is understanding it.
Have you had a look on the big/slim/whatever topic? There are certain to be folk on there who've been where you are, and can hold your hand in a well-informed way.

Orange, thank you. Would you believe, I had a gastric band fitted 2 years ago and it had to be removed, due to complications with surgery? People thought I was insane as comparatively I wasn't even "that" big but I knew I needed something drastic.

I did go to my GP a few years ago but they weren't interested to be honest, just gave me citalopram. Had counselling but I didn't feel it did much for me.

I want to be back to who I was, to what I was, SO much, but at the moment in time when it overcomes me, food is what I want, and that trumps any other desire to be slim/healthy. Then after I've eaten the guilt kicks in and it is terrible.

Didn't the citalopram work?

Sorry for short question but I am reading with interest

It sounds like you need to ask again for a proper referral. Maybe research eating disorder clinics in your area (this is my one, which I found just by googling my town name and 'eating disorder').

What you describe sounds very much like an addiction or compulsion. Did your counselling focus on that aspect of it?

What do you mean Kali? No, it didn't work, just gave me a headache.

Tribpot, the counselling was just not very helpful, and I did try a few times with different counsellors (paid privately) but it really didn't work. Will have a look for clinics, thanks.

Soz, I did just mean to ask whether it worked or not. A friend of mine has night eating disorder and ADs helped.

And I mean I'm reading closely as I don't have a terribly healthy relationship with food either.

Oh I am sorry Kali - I got all paranoid then!

I can't recommend gastric bands - if I had the money I'd have a bypass like a shot, though. I'm starting to think it seriously might be my only option.

Paul McKennas I can make you thin as well as Allen Carrs' Easy Way to lose weight helped me identify my overeating and take a bit of control.(The easy way has a bit too much reference to God for personal taste but a lot of the points did resonate with me and i do eat more veg now!)

What worked best for me however was exercise, if I couldn't get to the gym 15-30 minutes of the Shred got my blood pumping and I got my "high" another way.

2 years on and I'm still a healthy weight with loads of muscle and a brighter outlook on most things, not just food.

Its so crap being stuck in the binge eating cycle, try to ficus your mind elsewhere.

Fit is the new thin!

Perhaps a gastic sleeve would suit you better than a band then. Surgery seems to have really moved on

And citalopram is likely to make you eat more. I never understand why ads are indicated for binge eating disorders. They ALL make you eat more, with the exception of one or two

Do try your GP again. S/he should've taken you seriously a few years ago, but maybe they couldn't see past you not appearing overweight then.

Food is such a complex relationship for many of us. You can get through this but you will need some help.

Take care.