"you havn't had much luck with men have you?" -aggggrrrr!

[superstarheartbreaker]

Said a well meaning relative today. Followed by " ive been quite lucky " gosh as she is divorced to a knob I must be bad! What pisses me off is that I never wanted to end up single but here I am and making the best of it whilst finally learning to ditch knob heads asap. Why this wierd pressure to find any man just ti save one from singleton? Why this kind of horrid pity? Why this lind of smugness amongst thise who have another half ( vile term anyway ) towards those who dont? Im not quite happily single but getting there! I dont want people to point to the blooming obvious!

I know what you mean; nobody ever seems to say, "You haven't had much luck with jobs have you?" Or maybe they do, but generally we don't care about jobs in the same gutwrenching way.

I get this all the time from my dear old grandma lol

"You're not very good at finding nice men are you"
"You've not had much luck in the relationship department"
"You've been single for 18 months now, don't you think you should find someone"

Leave me alone grandma!!! Haha

Wow, that is spectacularly rude! And delusional. I mean yes, she IS lucky if she's divorced from a knob, but you'd think she'd realise the "lucky" bit consists in being divorced from him.

I love that "don't you think you should find someone". I always wanted to start checking under nearby sofa cushions but never had the nerve.

I've been single for nearly nine years, I'm a complete social outcast :)

Yy mademan or "You've not had much luck with your health/in the looks department/with your kids!" But somehow relationships are fair game.

"I always wanted to start checking under nearby sofa cushions but never had the nerve."

I don't blame you, it's like turning over rocks on the beach; you never know what sort of wildlife you'll encounter under there.

It's not quite as annoying as "have you considered taking up a hobby?"

No one I know would dare say that to me.

But my mother did once say "By the time I was your age, I'd had three marriage proposals". Great, thanks mum.

well at least you haven't had an acquaintance say 'get a younger model next time, might live longer'

Ahh, Trinity, I am sorry someone said that to you
I was on your thread originally, when the worst all had just happened. Hope you are bearing up.

sorry I didn't mean to crap on the thread
I laughed it off
its ok
I've had lots of black widow comments and such
you sort of get used to it
I think maybe they are trying to make a joke cause they don't know what else to say

How is it well meaning, op? I used to get this kind of comment, usually followed by " you're too fussy" I never felt it was particularly well meaning, more irritation that I seemed to have a lot of fun and money, good job, house and no man to moan about. When I met dh, there seemed to be disappointment almost that I was no longer a target for " poor you, single, no kids...

You could say " that's right, but the sex has been excellent!" Or " much luck! Goodness, a lucky escape from them you mean! Anyway, how's the diet going?"

She has a new boyfriend you see who pays for her to visit him and stuff. They used to go out, it ended Badly) and now they are back togather. I think it was a dig but also I kind of feel sorry for people who can't manage on their own.

I either get people pointing out my lack of success (last time I saw one friend she said oh dear has ANOTHER one dumped you?!) Or else people asking me why I'm single, surely I have men queuing up (yeah, right).

Unless they were offering to set me up with someone nice (they never are) I'd rather they just didn't talk about it at all!

Put yourself out there!
Have you considered the Internet?
Why don't you join a club?
My friend's cousin's next door neighbour was 38 and had given up and THEN she met someone rambling/doing golf/in the post office and NOW they are married with quads!

You forgot "It'll happen when you least expect it" and "He's probably just around the corner"

Yes but homebaked I think what I annoys me the most is this notion that one must always be on the hunt for a man if one is single and put onself out there. What really annoys me is this notion that no woman is complete until she finds a man. I have bought into it all my life but now I am disenchanted.

Why not put myself out there purely for me? I have travelled the world and had a fab time without men.

I think it's the fact that any kind of social occasion I cannot be seen just as myself. I ALWAYS get asked about my love life. Unless I volunteer the info then why are single women seen as public property to comment on how lonely, unfortunate, incomplete they must be. After all a personal life is PERSONAL unless you advertise it on here like me or share voluntarily.

I am currntly doing POf purely for the comedy factor; I find the motley crew hilarious!

I think the main reason why I havn't given up is that I'm a hopeless romantic. But then mabe why that's why I'm not going to settle.

I've also been told that I can't afford to be fussy; by someone who is in a shit relationship!

Also what I don't get is WHY don't people know what to say to single women? I mean we aren't really that scary. It's like a we are a threat or something.

Societal expectations, I suppose. The truth is that people are I think afraid of being left on the shelf so they tell themselves you haven't put enough effort in and if you'd tried harder (join clubs, get a hobby) you would have a relationship.

I know that no matter how much evidence I provide to the contrary, my brother insists on seeing me as a friendless loner. If he says "what have you been up to?" and I say - "oh, I went to see X last week," I get "Oh, GOOD. Really PLEASED you're GETTING OUT THERE."

I go to see X (or Y, or Z, or ABCDEFG most weeks. Single doesn't = no friends!)

It DOES annoy me that I can't have a holiday, go to a restaurant, have a weekend away or experience a number of things I suspect many couples enjoy as a matter of course.

I find the people who tell you how lucky you are to be single more annoying, myself.

I went on holiday abroad, ate at a restaraunt whilst on holiday, went on two cruises, ect alone. I go to the cinema alone etc.

I must admit; it is more fun sometimes to be part of a couple . I don't think the on the shelf thing really applies anymore unless you are desperate for kids.
My dad got with his gf when they were both 60!

I did that as well but the pitying comments ("table for ONE? ") and stares were too much and hated it.

Unfortunately I am definitely left on the shelf - I think it does exist, although people don't like to acknowledge it. It is different for men; my dad was inundated with offers after losing my mum.

No way ate women on the shelf. Divorce rate in the over 60s is rising. On the shelf is a state of mind!