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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need some advice

9 replies

Wittsend13 · 01/09/2013 13:13

Hi all,

I've a long one, but I'll keep it short and try not to drip feed.

I've been seeing my bf for nearly 6 months. We've known eachother for years. I have a child with my ex who cheated on me.

From day one bf and I]ve had an understanding where we can look at phones if we want. I've nothing to hide and neither did he.

When we starting dating beg of this year, I was in another country (I moved back over 4 months ago) This was never a problem we agreed we were solely seeing eachother and that was that.

So Friday night just gone we were in the pub getting drunk and he was telling me about this girl who he is mates with as she used to run the local football team he played for. (I've never met this girl, but for some reason I've never liked the look of her)was messaging him the night before.

So I read the messages on fb nothing too much then I decided to scroll back to April this year where my bf is telling her he would have put his hand up her top she replies:

You wouldn't have had the opportunity lol xx

him:If we were drunk in bed? you're mean xx

her:no I'm not xx

him: you are babe xx

Then, another message he is saying to her: I know and you still to this day ain't stayed in the same bed as me haha

Her: That's coz you choose the floor.

him:lol I didn't choose I didn't think you would let me in xx

her: You didn't ask! I weren't offering lol xx

him cause you would have said no xx

Her: I wouldn't I'm not that mean xx

Now he was dating me when all this conversations were going on.

He reckons it's all banter and putting his hand down her top is what all the lads say at football... I'm far from stupid, but I'm torn because my best mate thinks I'm overeacting and should get over it and move on.

Can anyone help me as I'm not sure what to do. Sorry for the long post.

OP posts:
headlesslambrini · 01/09/2013 13:23

sorry but this is disrespectful at best and cheating at worst. I wouldn't be happy and would probably be thinking about ending it. It would make me feel very uncomfortable to think that he could blaze about it TBH

AnyFucker · 01/09/2013 13:33

Yuk. Even if nothing happened/is happening with this OW, your BF sounds like a dick.

I wouldn't want a relationship with someone who indulged in teenage sexual innuendo with OW on FB

Wittsend13 · 01/09/2013 13:34

That's exactly how I feel right now. I don't want to be a mug for anyone anymore. I did my time down in rock bottom and it's not where I want to end up in ever again. I just didn't expect it (When does anyone!) He's apologised and swears he's not interested in her. It's just banter and I will see that when I meet her! I'm just torn as I really do love him, but I can't be a fool for anyone.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/09/2013 13:38

then don't

has he ever "bantered" like that with you ?

Wittsend13 · 01/09/2013 13:39

No not really, but then he knows well I don't condole those type of "chats". I might tell him I need space from him for a few days to sort my head out as I don't think I can get past this. Thanks to you both x

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/09/2013 14:21

good luck, love

perhaps he isn't the man you thought he was, after all

it can be a bit of a shock to the system to be confronted with the evidence of it

Wittsend13 · 01/09/2013 15:03

Thanks AF. I just can't be a mug for a man anymore. Life's too short for it! My friend reckons I've got to get over it because he's a nice bloke and loves me. Let's see how I feel after some space.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/09/2013 15:05

Your friend sounds like she has a dick of her own, and you "getting over it" would make her feel better about her own choices.

Wittsend13 · 01/09/2013 15:07

lol could not that put that better myself! Talk about nail on head there! Thank you! x

OP posts:
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