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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He forgot our wedding anniversary :(

23 replies

SalsaP · 01/09/2013 08:59

Today is our 8th wedding anniversary and DH has completely forgotten it. It says everything I've been feeling for months which is that I'm just the mother to his child now (ds is 20 months) rather than his wife. I'm heartbroken... :(

OP posts:

Pagwatch · 01/09/2013 09:02

Good lord

Dh and I adore each other and both forgot our anniversary until about lunch time this year.

I can understand being a bit upset if this is usually a huge day for the two of you. But saying you are heartbroken is over the top.
What do you mean by 'it says everything I've been thinking for months'.

Have you been approaching ths day as a test?

MortifiedAdams · 01/09/2013 09:03

DH and I both forgot pur second anniversary.

Meh

rockybalboa · 01/09/2013 09:06

It's our 6th wedding anniversary today (3 kids later) and I only remembered when I opened an envelope this week which turned out to be an anniversary card from my aunt and uncle. I wouldn't have been the least bit surprised if DH forgot too. Too much going on! Sorry you're upset but don't be too cross with your DH, there's no need to be heartbroken.

desperateforaholiday · 01/09/2013 09:07

Is he good at remembering dates? My dh is rubbish so ive set reminders on his phone, it doesn't mean he loves me any less, just that he's a bit flaky.

Helltotheno · 01/09/2013 09:08

I can't even remember what mine is. If there are problems in your relationship, look at them separately rather than making your anniversary the ficus of them.

kalidanger · 01/09/2013 09:09

'everything I've been feeling for months' is the important bit, not the anniversary I think.

MoaningMingeWhingesAgain · 01/09/2013 09:10

I've been married 7 years. I remembered it had been our anniversary a week late this year, and DH had forgotten too.

Don't read into it, an insult that isn't necessarily there

Mosman · 01/09/2013 09:10

Stbex forgot our first, should have told me everything I needed to know - oh and he was cheating at the time.
What does guy insiinct tell you ?

OctopusPete8 · 01/09/2013 09:10

Yeah, what led up to this feeling.

MexicanHat · 01/09/2013 09:12

Sounds like it's just one more thing on a whole pile of things OP?

I was pretty upset when my SBTXH forgot our 14th anniversary last year. It's important to some people and not to others - it's how you feel though.

intheshed · 01/09/2013 09:14

I arranged a girls night out with friends on our wedding anniversary. It was only the day before that I suddenly thought there's something familiar about that date... Luckily DH had forgotten too so didn't mind me going out!

If there are other issues in the relationship then yes talk it through, but I wouldn't read too much into this.

RhondaJean · 01/09/2013 09:15

This would be a major deal to me too op.

What was his reaction when he realised?

LauraChant · 01/09/2013 09:15

DH and I both forgot our 7th anniversary this month and when we did remember we thought it was a different day to what it is. In itself I do not think this is something to be heartbroken over. But it sounds like you may have other stuff going on?

LoopyLoopyLoopy · 01/09/2013 09:18

I forgot ours this year. We both forgot last year.

This year, I was a bit annoyed that he'd remembered and not reminded me, but I don't think he was upset by me forgetting I hope

Original poster

SalsaP · 01/09/2013 09:19

Yes you're right "everything I've been feeling for months" is the important bit. Our relationship has deteriorated since we became parents. He has never forgotten before which is why it seems so significant. This has happened at a time where I've been struggling with mild pnd and have needed his love and support more than ever. I suppose today did feel a bit like a test which is why I feel so hurt. I realise now perhaps I've blown it up slightly. I'm still feel sad about what our relationship has become.

OP posts:

Wonderstuff · 01/09/2013 09:19

What did you do for anniversaries in previous years?

Original poster

SalsaP · 01/09/2013 09:22

Well he tells me he loves me more than ever but it doesn't feel like that at the moment. He has a lot going on at work and at home (a wife with pnd must be tricky) but he's never forgotten before which is why it hurts.

OP posts:

Original poster

SalsaP · 01/09/2013 09:24

Anniversaries usually consist of cards, small gifts and a special breakfast. Nothing huge but just an acknowledgement of a special day.

OP posts:

Lovingfreedom · 01/09/2013 09:26

Go out for lunch. If you can get last min babysitter do...otherwise take baby along. (Try get him or her off to sleep on the way). It can't be easy on either of you. It's stressful having a young baby at best of times.

Wonderstuff · 01/09/2013 09:27

I would have a proper talk with him. It's not uncommon to struggle post kids, we definitely did. We now make sure we get a night away each year, go out and have fun like we did before the children came along, it reminds us why we got together. My DH won a weekend away through work 3 years ago, at the time our eldest was 2. We went and had such a laugh, we only then realised how grim day to day our relationship had become, we'd forgotten how to have a giggle together.

RhondaJean · 01/09/2013 09:28

It is so hard - you need to find time for each other somehow. I like the lunch suggestion.

Original poster

SalsaP · 01/09/2013 09:30

That's a really good idea lovingfreedom. We don't have any babysitters on hand. The lack of family support with ds is one of the contributing factors to my pnd. He does have a long nap in the afternoon though so it can still work with him in tow.

OP posts:

Bowlersarm · 01/09/2013 09:34

Definitely go out for lunch. Have some time together where you can just enjoy each others company. Take the baby if you have to.

If it helps, both DH and I forgot our anniversary one year. About number 7 I think. We remembered about two months later. I felt terrible, but didn't feel it meant anything untoward. Life was just hectic.

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