Is this bloke getting clingy too soon.

[Darkesteyes]

Been talking to a friend on fb who has just started seeing this bloke she met online.
He lives in the same town as her and i do. He seems to want to see her every day. And has told her that they are very compatible They have known each other for 3 days.
Ive known her for a long while since we started high school together and she does have learning difficulties.
She also just got out of a controlling relationship 3 weeks ago Her last DP wouldnt let her come to the school reunion 2 years ago. Am i overreacting a bit I just think its strange that he thinks they are compatible after 3 days. Im posting because i know that if someone wants to get serious too quickly it could be a red flag What do you reckon? Thanks.

Scarleteen flag.

she should back right off

she won't though, will she ?

No AF She wont She hates being without a bloke REALLY hates it. Im just gobsmacked that a guy can say that after THREE DAYS.

I have said to her not to rush things and just enjoy dating but because of her learning problems if you say anything she doesnt want to hear she flounces. Even if its true.

then you can do no more

AF you are absolutely right. The red flag started waving because of threads ive read on here and contributed to over the past two years. Being on here among some very wise MNers i have learned a lot.

DE, I find you very wise too

I hope your friend is ok and that she will heed your concerns

I fear not, because people often do not listen until it is too late

sometimes you just have to be ready for when they learn a lesson the very hardest way

Thankyou AF I reckon i will just let her know im there to talk to her whenever she wants

Sorry,i'm a little confused....she met him online 3 days ago and he wants to see her everyday????

I think he's just super excited to have 'met' someone who shares his interests and is confusing that with compatibility lol! He sounds very eager to meet her-which they usually do when they're only after one thing!

Personally,if i were in your shoes i'd be having a chat with my friend and getting her reacquainted with the friends and opportunities (non relationship related) that she was forced to put on the back burner due to her controlling ex.Help her get the rest of her life back on track.

I know i wouldn't be ready to get emotionally or physically involved with another man after only 3 weeks of being single following an abusive controlling relationship-and i don't have learning difficulties.

Good luck xxx

Thankyou Dys You are bang on She needs more of a social life She does have 2 teenagers and the eldest is SN. Her ex didnt even live with her AFAIK yet she got his name tattooed on her arm which she has now had changed to something else.

Ouch! She sounds like an ex-friend of mine. This particular 'friend' was the same in that she can't live without a guy in her life-whether it is a full on relationship or casual.

I wonder if your friend actually feels like she has an identity of her own? She is going to rebel against any dcent advice/help you offer her. I think the best way around this is by reverse psychology.

dys it woudnt work She can be very possessive herself When we were at college she was dating someone for two years + I was also friends with him. (just friends nothing else) but she didnt like him having female friends including me who shes known for years and she would scream at him and stomp off.
I cant really explain this very well but part of her personality (i dont know whether its due to her learning difficulties or not) is she can be very self centred.
Sorry if this seems like a bit of a drip feed but her situation is very hard to explain.

Bin! Now!

Oh dear! Ur friend and my ex friend seem to be carbon copies! She was exactly the same! Aaaargh!

Let me tell u a bit about her.

We'd been friends since secondary school. We always got on. However,I wasn't allowed out after school n college so never got to know her properly. At 24 i moved back to my hometown and was able to hang out with her. My god did my eyes open!

I found that she liked to sleep around-a LOT and all of it unprotected. She thought it was perfectly normal to cheat on her boyfriends. Then she got into a relationship with a lovely guy who i became friends with. However,we wern't allowed to phone or text or meet up-that's when i realised how possesive, controlling and violent she was. Basically,everything she was accusing him of being!!! She wouldn't let me anywhere near him in order to help her. Kept telling me he didn't really like me and things kicked off because he didnt like her hanging out with me. Stupidly i believed her!

Until one day i bumpdd into him in the pub. He denied it. Said she had been telling him the same about me. Now i always put my girls first before any guy-so i didnt believe him. Until he showed me the txt msgs. She'd been sending us both the same txt msgs and it became obviouz she was lying and trying to cause trouble. And then i knew why. She was cheating on him. Telling him she was staying the night at mine when in fact she was whoring around.sbe didnt want us to be friends and talk becos then he would find out. She knew i would refuse to assist her in her deceptions. His dad had to call the police on her because she was pbysically violent to him and refused to get out of the house (he lived with his dad).

I finally ended things with her when she started accusing me sleeping with her bf - all because i showed him the txtmsgs and he found out she was cheating on him!

So,it is possible that ur friend could be doing something similar. Maybe she was the abusive one in the relationship. maybe she's pulling the wool over ur eyes.

Dys thats very insightful. She can be quite abusive and attention seeking herself. (the person im talking about in the OP) Her now ex husband committed a heinous crime on his young step daughter and she victim blamed the child and went on to marry the bloke. This is way back in the 90s.
Her ex husband is the one she was with before the guy she broke up with a few weeks ago.
When she started dating her ex husband SS warned her to stay away from him but wouldnt say why When she got pregnant with her first child they then told her the truth but she still went on to marry him and have a second child with him. They split up a few years later.
This is the reason we lost touch for a while because i was so shocked at her acceptance at what he had done and the blaming of the victim.

Im only in touch with her on fb No phone nos or anything. She got in touch again around the time of the school reunion a couple of years back

Oh god,that's just awful!!! Poor children!!! What learning difficulties does she have? Sounds like pure self centred self obsession to me.