How can I help my DM LTB?

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Sort of posting-by-proxy here as my DM wants advice on how she can get over her partner once and for all and chuck him, and I'm at a bit of a loss.

I am hesitant to use the term 'her partner' as he has never been supportive of my DM and she has gone through some shit in the last few years, all of which he has ignored. Depression, court cases, bereavement, etc. and he is so weak (her words) that he barely even bothers to ask her if she's okay. He never contacts her first, has never been round to her house (they don't live together), never offered to help with paperwork etc. and barely ever go on proper dates as he is always so tired and busy running his business. To me, it seems like more of a fuck buddy arrangement and I kicked that to the kerb when I wanted more, but my DM doesn't seem to be able to and it's making her miserable.

My DM has said several times over the last few years that she's 'bored' and 'wants more' from a man but can't stop herself from running back to him after a few weeks of cutting contact. She has issues with confidence and attention as she lacked attention first from her father then from her husband (my father) when young, and now she craves it from the first man she has managed to trust since she split from my father decades ago.

So what should she do? It seems to our family that she's pinning all her hopes of attention on this guy who has never given her what she so craves. And it is that cycle that she seems quite addicted to. I've suggested she fill the time she normally spends chasing the guy with a hobby, or going out with her girlfriends (she has several good ones, who all say LTB) but she keeps saying 'it's hard' and 'I love him, God knows why' and 'I hate change' and 'hobbies are boring'.

She's just come off anti-depressants and I'm worried she'll sink into another fit of depression if this carries on. The man was the reason she fell ill in the first place, as she felt like she wasn't worthy of having any fun, so I wish I could do or say something to help her.

So WWYD?

You cannot actually do anything to help, only she can make changes to her own life.

She seems also co-dependent on Mr Emotionally Unavailable. That particular rot started in her own childhood with her own emotionally unavailable dad who has also done her a lot of damage. Not at all surprised this has carried onto into adulthood. If you were to look at the men in her life she is still trying (and failing) to get her dad's approval. On some level they have all been like her dad.

Thanks ATM, I completely agree with that, and I was trying to suggest how she can make some changes (when she was starting to come out of her depression she was asking me how to go about it) but none of my ideas about how she can keep busy seem to be attractive to her. On a perverse level it is almost as if she enjoys the drama of trying in vain to get a man's attention.

She is indeed hooked on the intense highs and deep lows; as stated the rot started in her childhood with her emotionally unavailable dad.

All you can do is learn from this and be determined yourself not to follow the same ultimately destructive patterns in your own relationship.

This might sound silly, but could you afford a reasonable-length holiday together? That would get her out of this man's orbit, give you some quality time together and give her the headspace to think about how things could be (with you nudging her). People usually come back from holiday quite charged up and positive. Might it work for her?

I realise that a holiday with a lone parent is not everyone's idea of Heaven, but ...

I offered to take her, as when he went on holiday without her she absolutely crumbled (but that was more due to the fact SHE couldn't get time off work, and he did ask her twice). She only went and buggered off on her own sometime later

It hasn't worked, unfortunately. Now she's back home she knows she can get random male attention anywhere (she's a stunner) but she only seems to want it from him. And he's crap!

A holiday however, would not even go 0.5% into addressing the problems which actually started in her own childhood.

Unless your own mother is willing to help her own self there is nothing you can do to help her.

She may well be a stunner but her own self esteem and worth are at rock bottom and has been for many years. Any male attention, albeit negative, is better than none to her damaged way of thinking. This man on some level perhaps reminds her of her emotionally unavailable Dad.