Advice on how and when to tell children.

[Ellie88]

Hello, I'm looking for some advice really. My husband and I have separated recently. He is still at home on the sofa. Will probably be moving out in the next few months. Children are 6 and 9. Do we tell them we're not together now? Or wait until he is moving out. I think they know something is up, just don't know what would be best? Thanks.

Why is he on the sofa? I'd get him out ASAP, it's not good for the kids to see you living a lie.

He needs to move out asap; living together but separately in the same house is a recipe for disaster for all of you.

I know, but joint owned cant force him out. He is going, just dragging his feet. So tell them now?

Perhaps you could explain that it isn't fair on the kids, and while you understand you can't force him out, he ought to suck it up and go for their sake?

Riots - that hardly seems fair. How would you like it if someone told you you had to leave your children, just suck it up?

It seems the guy didn't do anything wrong here, the relationship broke down, and now he just has to find a new place to live without his children, so he should suck it up?

I think it's more important that the kids are not exposed to what must be a very uncomfortable and unpleasant situation for them. The OP has said herself that they are aware something is wrong.

The longer it goes on the worse it will be for the kids, he's an adult and should put their needs first.

He will be moving out, I dont think its wrong to allow him some time to do this & sort things out. I just wanted some advice on when to tell the children.

I think if they are sensing something is up, best to say something now. If things are fairly amicable it seems reasonable to give him a bit of time to move out, perhaps just have a set date when he'll go by.

Make sure the children aren't confused that he's staying and that they don't think it gives hope of a reconciliation. Just keep it short and simple, do it with both of you there and agree beforehand what to say. Let them ask questions in their own time either when u tell them or later.

That's what I'd do anyway. And perhaps discuss with your husband what you'll do after you tell them if they struggle with the fact that he's still there, eg perhaps agree he'll move out sooner?

Thanks, thats a good idea, he may br more willing to move sooner if I suggest it that way.